Penthouse Pet of Year, Princess Prostitute & High-Flying Polecat Kickstart 2012 @ the Speakeasy!
In our first live show of 2012, broadcasting live from the Womb Room, appropriately located in a penthouse, we get the top story on the brand spanking new Penthouse Pet of the Year. We also interview Penthouse’s current, not so happy hooker/columnist about her adventures shtupping johns for gelt without guilt, visit with old friends and new (dead and alive), congratulate ourselves on a case well-won, witness some of the best pole-dancing we’ve ever seen on the Speakeasy stripper pole poker table, and top it all off with a triple vibrator orgasm. Hello there 2012! We’re loving you so far…
Jenna Rose: Freshly crowned Penthouse Magazine’s Pet of the Year, we’re delighted that one of Jenna’s very first stops on her grand tour as ambassador for the late great Bob Guccione’s legacy is The Dr Susan Block Show. This raven-haired charmer from Victorville was “discovered” while working at In ‘n’ Out, where she was cited for having the kind of pin-up pet potential that makes people think of the real in-n-out. Gracious to her fans-in-need, she even donates a freshly worn pair of pink lace panties to the Panty Boy Collection. At the ripe age of twenty, we can’t let her try the Agwa, but she promises to return after she hits drinking age. We’ll be waiting, thirstily.
Corpsy: Undead publisher of Girls and Corpses Magazine, beloved RadioSuzy1 regular and visionary pioneer in the disgustingly popular zombie/corpse/horror craze, Robert “Corpsy” Rhine keeps his latest carcass/love doll seated suspiciously across his lap while he ogles the live gals onstage. Perhaps he is boning these rotting bones under the table. He wants to put Jenna on the cover of G&C, but alas, she’s under contract to Penthouse. But he does bring us one of G&C’s hottest ER nurses ever, the female force of nature known as Bonnie Rotten.
Bonnie Rotten: Barely clad in sexy nurse latex, this barely legal, Italian-Jewish-Baptist Amy Winehouse lookalike comes to us fresh from Ohio by way of Corpsy, and makes our stripper pole her bitch. Sporting more ink than a graffiti mural and poledancing like Stripperella on steroids, this 18-year-old poledancing prodigy spins around that shaft like a spider spinning a web around her prey. And it doesn’t hurt that she has spiderwebs tattooed on her perfect B-cup boobs. When she finally settles down on my bed, she strips off her latex thong to reveal a shaved vulva and vagina made of tough-enough stuff to require the buzzing efforts of three simultaneous toys–the Hitachi Magic Wand on the clit, the Stockroom Viberite pressed hard against the taint, the Screaming Ogee inside angling up against the G-spot—all cranked up to the highest speeds, plus double-headed titty sucking from me and my able-mouthed producer Tasia Sutor and a spanking for good measure, in order to hit her climax.
Sasha Knox: Back again at the Speakeasy after almost two years, Sasha boasts of her new discovery she found after running a tape measure across her bounteous boobage at Victoria’s Secret—she is officially a buxom, natural D-cup. The perfect testament to her tits comes when she loses her tight t-shirt for the entire night. With torpedoes like these, we hope she never finds it.
Callers & Tweeters:
Alex Lieberman: Our call-in guest call girl and columnist for Penthouse won’t let us see her face, let alone her goods, due to the illegal nature of her profession as a nice Jewish hooker. She is self-publishing a book, By the Hour, though we’re pretty sure it will be hard for even a best-selling author to top the $400/hr income she presently gets as a Jewish American Princess (JAP) prostitute, freeing the willies of pants-dropping johns and money slaves.
Pantyboy is in ecstasy, having received the gift of freshly worn panties from the new Penthouse Pet of the Year.
Steve Mcqueen (no, not the dead actor) and Robert from Kansas both want to know if Jenna Rose will ever be in Playboy. While you never know because Tera Patrick did it, but Playboy and Penthouse generally don’t mix, sorry boys. Steve also wants to know if Jenna appreciates foot fetishists which allows us to ogle her fabulous Penthouse Store skyscraper Cinderella heels.
Chris in Florida wants to know if a foot job from his sister would be considered incest. Our panel votes yes. Though since they’re both over 21, we’re not too alarmed. Still, we’re not recommending it AT ALL.
Weapons of Mass Discussion:
Laryngitis, Being in Need of a Nurse, Becoming Penthouse Pet of the Year, How Selecting a Penthouse Pet of the Year is Like Electing a U.S. President, The Penthouse Philosophy, Jenna’s Philosophy, Back of the Neck as Erogenous Zone, Hair Pulling with Respect, Loss of Virginity vs. Gaining Sexual Experience, How Picking Condom Colors Tricks Girls into the Sack, Condoms Aren’t Cartoon Balloons, Power Exchange, Opening up for the Camera, My Vagina, Fetish Photo Shoots, How Some Models Get into Other Girls & Fetishes While Doing Photo Shoots, Sexy Nuns, Nice Jewish Girls Engaged in Underworld Activities, Jewish Porn Stars, Legalization and Decriminalization of Prostitution, Marriage is Prostitution, Prostitutes only Deal with a Guy for One Hour, Dennis Hof & the Moonlight Bunnyranch Bordello, Prostitute Dorms, Vanilla Johns, Sitting on Santa in Atlanta, Deliverance Country, Hooker Hours Are After-hours, Whale of a Willy, Prematurely Ejaculating Before Even Getting to the Hooker’s Room, Getting Washed on the Bidet, True Hooker Stories, Public Fascination with the Call Girl Life, Coming out of the Gilded Closet, Xaviera Hollander the Original Happy Hooker, Sex Doesn’t Have to be Intercourse to be Sex Unless You’re President Clinton, Tequila Toe Shots, Shrimping Cocktails, Adult Incest, Foot Fetish Parties, Italians who Speak Italian, Preteen Gang Bang, Group Sex is Confusing with too Many Dicks, Watching Horror Movies Instead of Porn to Get Aroused, Teenage Pussy, Soft Corrugated Area is the G-spot, Winning the Kelly Shibari case, Poledancing Olympics, High Maintenance Orgasms, What the Heaven is a Bonobo?
Penthouse Pet of the Year, Penthouse Store “Pet” Skyscraper Cinderella Heels, Showing Off the Penthouse Pet of the Year Spread, Pink Lace Panty Donation to Panty Boy Collection, Amazing Pole-Dancing, Vagina Mold, Fake Pussy Pressing, Lubing up the Latex, Nurse Striptease, Producer with Bruised Bottom, Body Wrapping Pole Dance, Total Pole Control, Spanking, Pussy Popping, Squeaky Thong, Latex Thigh-highs, Sucking on Spider Web Titty Tattoos, Panty Modeling, Peeling off the Latex Panties, Taking Golden Shower Volunteers, Condom on the High Heel, Heel-fucking Offer, Adult Play Parlor Buffet, Cold Lube on the Hot Pussy, Ogee Pussy Hug, Pretty Pussy, G-spot Explanations, Finger Delving for the G-spot, Pussy Spanking , Lube and Latex Everywhere, Making out while the Screaming O Ogee is in, Announcing a Fake Orgasm, Fantasizing About Older Men to Get Off, Ogee Inside, Hitachi on Clit, Viberite on the Taint, Three Toys at Once, Stiffening of the Legs, Intense Titty-sucking Scene Without Agwa, Juicy Clit and Body, Beautiful Big Natural Boobs, Corpse Humping, Snake Play, Snake Slithering through the Corpse Butt, After-Show Orgasms, Spankings, Floggings, Oral Sex, Hula-Hooping, Trapeze Antics, More Wild Pole-Dancing, Multiple Sets of Bare Boobs, Bar Stool Grind Sessions, More Orgasms, Clothed & Unclothed.