My Womb Room Opens Up to 2013 ♥
Length: 1:33:07 minutes Date: Jan 5, 2013
For my first show of 2013, I planned nothing and invited nobody. Since I wasn’t feeling so “hot” for various reasons (listen free above for details)—one being that I’m still wearing this damn eye patch and another that my cowardly engineer (we’ll call him Weasley) just fell in love, went bananas and split, without giving notice, I thought this would just be a quiet practice program for my tech department, and was in no mood for a big show. So I was a little unnerved when I walked onstage to find my little Womb Room packed with friends and fans. At first, I wanted to hide, then I was so moved by their enthusiasm, I almost cried. But I’m too vain to ruin my eye makeup, even with only one eye, so I held back the tears, and within 10 minutes, these beautiful people had me all cheered up and riding the wave of communal ecstasy into one of the most delightful shows in Prince Max’s and my two decades of love and debauchery.
Speaking of love, did you know that 2013 spelled backwards is EROS? Well, it is (sort of) if you play with the letters and masturbate the numbers a bit. Check it out:
So despite, or maybe because of, the fact that “13” is considered an unlucky number, it should be a good year for EROS and a banner 365 days for Bonoboville.
Eros, according to Greek mythology, is not just the god of love and lust; he is the lord of life itself. One of the four original creators of the universe—the other three being the heavens (Uranus), the earth (Gaia) and the underworld (Tartarus)—Eros is said to have “blown the breath of life into all beings.” This is what I call the Original Blow-Job.
But back to life. This show is a celebration of life, in all its erotic, inspirational, perverse and ridiculous glory. As I emerge from my funk, I give a shout-out to my amazing Uncle Pip who just celebrated his 100th birthday (and thank you cousin Diane for taking such good care of him). One entire century of life—and still going strong! I’m not sure if there’s a “secret” to Uncle Pip’s longevity (though whatever it is, I can only hope its genetic), but I do know he’s always been a passionate, athletic man, and he loved his wife, my Aunt Lil, with all his heart until she died. A few years later, he got into another long-term relationship with a beautiful widow (also named Diane) in his building. I don’t know much else about his sex life, though he’s always been a great dancer which, being a “vertical expression of a horizontal position,” couldn’t have been bad for his health or his sex life.
After a “Pip, Pip, Hooray” for Uncle Pip, it’s on with the show, and the jokes start cracking, the titties come out, the Sybian strikes again, I spank in 2013 on one guest’s beautiful bouncy buns while another sings “My Heart Belongs to Daddy,” half-naked angels do a double split beaver pirouettes on the trapeze, plus more amazing stuff in this Circus of Sex, this Big Tent of Love, than I can possibly squeeze into this blog…as I open up my Womb Room to the power and glory of EROS 2013. Amen and Awomen.
Amanda Blow: Winner of our DrSusanBlock.TV Award for 2012 for “Funniest Exhibitionist,” Amanda (now a rapper and host of her own show, aptly entitled Cocktails), defends her title with outrageous, endearing aplomb. She immediately declares her wish to be my “bitch” and kiss my ass, and that wish is granted (and how can anyone stay in a funk with a hot blonde kissing your ass?). She takes the first Bonoboville Sybian ride of 2013, shares Agwa De Bolivia nipple shots with me, flies on the trapeze and arm wrestles with Tasia, woman-handles Max, and offers to live up to her name by giving award-winning head to one of our fellow guests who shyly declines.
Daryl Wright: Winner of the “Most Intoxicated” DrSuzy.TV award, and one of our favorite stand-up comics, Mr. #Vodkatime defends his title with gusto on the rocks. He also tells one dick joke after, though his own dick never comes out—as he protests that he’s “hung like a caterpillar”–despite Amanda’s effusive offers to suck it and proclamations of its virile ability to give her screaming orgasms in private. Darryl does a great job of sex sportscasting (he is after all Mr. Nascar on Fox Sports Radio), during the Agwa shot titty licks and spankings. Then he gets a spanking lesson himself–cup that hand!—for which he even puts his drink down.
Shay Golden: The female half of our porn power couple in quasi-residence doesn’t bother to defend her title as champion cock-sucker, having handily won the DrSuzy.TV award for her marathon 12-hour non-stop blow-job that resembled an Andy Warhol movie. So this beautiful bad girl gets a good over-the-knee (OTK) spanking, partly because she deserves it and partly because tweeter Breanna Lee so enthusiastically requests it. When naughty Shay wises off about me being “nice,” I give it to her with the silver studded paddle. That stops her sassing and gives her peachy cheeks a lovely hot pink glow. Then Daryl gives it to her—reluctantly, at first, since he’s a “felon,” but with Brock’s prodding it, he lets it rip. Needless to say (though I feel the need to say it!): Don’t spank your children! Do spank your adult lovers who enjoy being spanked and give full consent.
Brock Hard: Shay’s sweet sexy BF and winner of the DrSuzy.TV award for “Most Copious Male Ejaculation” (check out our Halloween 2012’s “Night of the Fornicating Dead” and the free photo collage for the DNA evidence plastered all over Shay’s pretty face), aka “The Brock Shot,” Mr. Hard rests on his spunky laurels and plays it cool this show, happy to share his lady’s lovely reddened ass with the world.
Shelley Michelle: This multi-talented “body double to the stars” was scheduled to be a guest on my show in the mid-1990s, and just arrived. Well, better almost two decades late than never. To make up for her 20th century no-show, Shelley strips down to a see-through fishnet body stocking that shows off her large boobs and model-slim legs. Then she reveals that she’s more than just a body double, singing a medley of sultry tunes a cappella, from “Santa Baby” and “My Heart Belongs to Daddy” to “Hanky Panky” and “Happy Birthday Mr. President,” sung to my beloved Bill Clinton (which she calls “Clit-on”) dildo.
Special thanks to Sergio on the board with help from Nori, both Bonoboville heroes in this week’s crazy crisis. Thanks Brian for editorial assistance with this blog.
WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION
Cowardly Ex-Engineer Falls in Love + Goes Bananas & Splits, No Violence Allowed in Bonoboville, My Uncle Pip is 100 Years Old, The DrSusanBlock.tv Awards, Award-Winning Exhibitionism, Award-Winning Head, Award-Winning Cum Shot, Award-Winning Intoxication, Mass Orgies Vs. Mass Shootings, President “Clit”on, Giant Cum Shots, Censorship, Assholes, Shoot the Gun Between Your Legs, (Non)-Automatic Weaponry, Why Mae West Recommended Semen Facials, Cock Size Insecurities, Dennis Hof, The Bonobo Way
Being in Moody Mode, Snake Play, Laughter, Being My Bitch, Kissing My Ass, Relationship Bickering, Over-the-Knee (OTK) Spanking, Chinchilla Mitt Ass-Rubbing, A Cappella Singing “Happy Birthday Mr. President,” “Santa Baby,” “Hanky Panky,” “My Heart Belongs to Daddy,” Arm Wrestling, Human Wheelbarrows, Half-Nude Trapeze Artistry, Double Split Beaver, Nipple Shots with Agwa De Bolivia, Pole Dancing, Kissing, Whipping, Panties for Panty Boy, Hula Hooping, Rickshaw Rides, Circus of Sex