“Masturbation Not Occupation” Winds up the M Month & Memorial Day with Spectacular Squirting Climax: Shock & Awe with Zero Casualties!
Length: 2:02:35 Date: May 25, 2013
It’s funny how the last Saturday of Masturbation Month always falls in the middle of Memorial Day Weekend. How are we to conjoin such odd bedfellows? Manhandle those hot dogs, boys! Mash those potatoes, ladies! Memorial Day signals the start of summer, heating up with sexy fun and the sizzling smell of fresh barbeque. Of course, Memorial Day is also a requiem for the dead—the people who have been barbequed in America’s Perma-Wars. The American dead, that is. The other dead can get their own holiday, right? Memorial Day is for America’s dead soldiers. We are the Masturbation Nation serving the Multi-National Corporations of America (even if they’re based in Hong Kong).
And so, on this solemn sunny weekend, we salute the troops who have given the ultimate gift—their precious lives—for this community we call our nation. We appreciate their service and the risk they take in the military jobs lottery (join up and spin the roulette wheel to see if you wind up with a subsidized education or your legs blown off!). But we do not salute or support the Perma-War they fight against other nations, whose citizens also happen to masturbate, even if they have never heard of Masturbation Month. These other nations may have very different concepts of God, morality, honor, love and death. But we all enjoy manhandling our horny hot dogs and/or mashing our pretty potatoes from time to time. That’s part of what it means to be human, and to accept it in ourselves and others is part of what it means to be humane. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners of all Masturbation Nations around the world: Whether your particular nation condemns masturbation as the most evil sin you can commit or just considers anyone who jacks or jills off to be a pathetic “sex addict,” we all do it, at least sometimes (or even several times a day!). We are one world in wanking.
But back to Memorial Day and all those barbequed troops and civilians on both sides of the grill. At least Obama is not the rabid war-loving chickenhawk pussy that Bush was, and he did say Medea Benjamin was “worth listening to.” But he still keeps those BBQ embers burning—and Perma-War, Inc. going. Every American president prefers some type of military violence over others. Dubya loved his “preemptive strikes.” Barack has a drone fetish. He also has a hard-on for a true American hero imprisoned—maybe for life—for telling the truth about Perma-War. I’m speaking of Bradley Manning, the brave ballsy Wikileaks whistleblower who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize but is now awaiting a secret court martial. If convicted, he could receive a lifetime sentence to military prison where, according to the United Nations, he has already been subjected to “cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment.” What does this say about our Masturbation Nation? In the apt words of blogger Susie Days, Bradley Manning
masturbate than BBQ, play baseball, watch TV, pay taxes or drop bombs from drones. Not everybody does any of those things, but everybody who can move masturbates. Rarely do we admit to it. But this is the month to celebrate it! And so we come back to the physical…Though this show features some intense dialogue on America’s Perma-Wars, it climaxes with an intense, suspenseful, spectacular, masturbator squirting orgasmic grand finale, soaking our cameraman and cleansing our blood-stained souls like Holy Water. Amen. Awomen. Enjoy your BBQ and chew on this succulent show!ore Americans
Angela Keaton: This sweet, sultry and ardently anti-war director of operations for AntiWar.com shares her passion for pacifism on the Memorial holiday. AntiWar.com is working hard to stop the drones, sue the FBI for snooping, and get you anti-interventionist news, for instance by pushing for increased mainstream media coverage of the Bradley Manning trial. They run on donations, so if you’re sick of the perma-wars too, donate today!
Nick Hankoff: This tenther libertarian and AntiWar.com development assistant is, of course, ardently anti-war (both the Perma-Wars and the also endless War on Drugs), and seems to feel right at home in peace-through-pleasure Bonoboville. At least, he spends most of the show with a big smile on his face, especially when our next guest says he has “pussy-licking lips.”
Amanda Blow: Looking almost like a Dr. Suzy clone with her big hat, Amanda is proud to be a legalized, licensed whore at The Bunny Ranch operated by our old friend Dennis Hof. All that legal whoring doesn’t give her much time to watch the news, so she catches up on who Bradley Manning is in Bonoboville. During Masturbation Education, Amanda tries every masturbatory gizmo we’ve got, but still can’t come. She’s got a new video “Go Rape Yourself”, as in, “Take Care of Yourself.” But if she equates self-pleasure with self-rape, well, that could be one reason she has trouble climaxing. She has no trouble making fun of warmongers. She says they all have little dicks.
Brittany Blaze: We haven’t seen blazing Brittany since she drank Amanda’s pee on our Halloween 2011 Night of the Masturbating Dead. She still loves golden showers, but tonight, she doesn’t pee. She squirts! Actually it’s quite a suspenseful but ultimately spectacular squirting performance, as befits the DrSuzy.tv climax to Masturbation Month. It’s also dedicated to our troops, since Brittany isn’t exactly “anti-war.” Eschewing all vibrators, Brittany grabs the biggest phallic object she can find: our gigantic black Flash Brown dong. Size queens and interracial sex lovers: Enjoy! Thrashing among the pillows, she frantically teases clit while penetrating herself with Mr. Brown’s prodigious surrogate. Mo the Monster ascends the stage to give the dong a push and a pull, and before we can say “Merry Masturbation Month!” Brittany is blazing a geyser of pure, crystal-clear female ejaculate. Unlike America’s perma-wars, Brittany’s battle has an ending—a very happy, victorious one, baptizing me and my cameraman in her Holy Water.
Charlie: This 10-year US Navy veteran Coreman (medic) has never believed in violence. So why join the military? Lots of reasons: to see the world, get an education, learn a skill, be part of a community, get some benefits. These are things that no other American business provides, at least not for the common folk. Charlie’s simple revelation of “why I joined the military” sparks a deep discussion in which we consider how vast and powerful our military industrial complex has become, how many things it does, from building roads to providing education to saving lives. And yet, its primary focus—its raison d’être—is killing people. Later, Charlie shares that there is military code that actually forbids masturbation. No wonder he’s now stroking it three times a day!
WEAPONS OF MASS DISCUSSION
The War Machine, War is now America’s Biggest Export, Barry Obama has a Drone Fetish, Secret Trial for Bradley Manning for Telling the Truth About the Perma-Wars, Dropping Bombs From A Control Panel is Like Masturbation (the Type we Don’t Like), “I am Bradley Manning” Campaign, Today’s American Army is a Mercenary Army Fighting for the Corporations, Golden Showers Are A Bonding Experience, Consensual Rape Fantasy, Fucking Yourself With A Pistol, Female Ejaculate is the True Holy Water, Going To Court Is Better Than Going To War, Masturbating On the Back of Captain Max’s Neck, The Bonobo Way