Hollywood Sex Wars
Length: 105:48 minutes Date: 10/08/2011
Having just broken a long and light-headed Yom Kippur fast, we’re hungry for it here at the Speakeasy…and by “it” I mean the deliciously funny and sexy new indie film, Hollywood Sex Wars. Just released with an R rating for its scintillating scenes of nude bouncing boobs plus assorted party drugs, HSW focuses a comical yet illuminating light on the Darwinian battle of the sexes raging on the mean streets of Hollywood where “guys try to get laid and girls try to get paid.” On this stimulating RadioSUZY1 broadcast, HSW’s creator and some of its sexiest, funniest cast members—plus one sultry LA journalist and a guy in a chastity belt—talk shop, sex, drugs, relationships, fetishes, Wall Street, Hollywood, cum shots in R-rated movies, Orthodox Jewish sex practices, revolution, true love and so much more (see Weapons of Mass Discussion below), as well as frolic on my bed with vibrators, dildo swords, Vulva Puppets, 911 panties, squirting cocks and Agwa.
Paul Sapiano: Writer-director of Hollywood Sex Wars as well as his droll and ironically instructive debut film that developed cult status, The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down. Originally from England, Paul decided to keep the accent because it goes down well at bars. His mission is simply to make people laugh…and to discover the precise location of the G-spot.
Jacqui Holland: plays the role of “Courtney” in HSW, the fairytale-loving, ecstasy-dropping stripper who finds true love. Getting in the spirit of RadioSUZY1, she puts princess pink panties on over her black pantyhose and engages in spirited dildo sword-fighting (wonder if she studied that in acting class), as well as pussy-talk with my Vulva Puppet. The climax of her performance is Agwa time, when she coyly lifts her dress and leans back, offering me her well-toned tummy for lime salt-licking.
Christine Nguyen: A famous face on Cinemax, this actress of Vietnamese heritage plays “Elle,” a snooty coke whore whose radiant entrance into Hollywood Sex Wars involves sparkling jugs of punch opening up to reveal her own lovely naked jugs. Christine also proves herself a worthy dildo sword-fighter, and is the proud speaker of one of the film’s funniest lines, “You’ll never fuck in this town again.”
Dominique Purdy: Stand-up comic, rapper and the one actor who stars in both of Paul’s epic erotic comedies, Dominique plays “Max” in HSW, a role which requires real masturbation and fake fucking. Max is a show-stopping nut-buster of a character, the recipient of Christine’s winning line as he receives a “dishonorable discharge” from the “dater base” for bad boy behavior. In real life, Dominique is a devoted boyfriend, and though he rhapsodizes about the whole Speakeasy, from the erotic art to the philosophy, when I give him a Doc Johnson Pocket Rocket to take home to his girl, he veritably squeals, “I’m gonna be the man tonight!”
AV Flox: Last seen at the Speakeasy on Purim, AV now joins us in breaking the Yom Kippur fast thinly disguised as a shiksa-hot blonde. One of the greatest sex journalists in the tradition of Anais Nin (she incarnates Anais disguised as Bardot on this show) and one of my favorite guests, AV is actually the one who turned me onto Hollywood Sex Wars. She also has amazing legs, an intriguing fetish for celebrating Jewish holidays (though she and her BF are Catholic), and sucks my great big lollipop with mesmerizing lip and tongue action.
Steve the Cuckold in Chastity: A conservatively dressed gentleman in our studio audience requests permission to reveal the chastity belt his wife/mistress (who commanded him to celibacy for 19 years!) put him in before coming to the Speakeasy. I order Steve to drop his drawers, exposing his “shortcomings” framed by white lace crotchless panties and neatly locked into a state-of-the-art CB 6000 male chastity devise. This more or less shocks, confuses and amuses the HSW cast, giving AV the opportunity for a “teaching moment” on fetishes. Later, Ivy and I take turns flogging him on the X.
Jenae Alt: Playing “Big Wendy,” in HSW, Jenae is the Dater Base Mistress, a Hot Chicks Trade Union Organizer who tries to teach the other girls how to practice a kind of Golddiggerized Bonobo Way to get horny guys to buy them drinks, diamonds, drugs, boob jobs, houses, whatever they need. One of her classic lines in HSW, “Guys like girls with implants & we didn’t get ‘em done to put ‘em away” has an ironic angle in real life, as she calls in to discuss the new surgery she just had to fix prior mishaps a previous boob job. At least, the new implants are a sort of “upgrade” —made of human tissue, they not only feel more real; they’re a literal life-saver (whether or not they float).
Robert from Kansas City: Since he doesn’t have a computer, he listens to the show on hold, and his questions are more for porn stars than mainstream actors, making Robert a rich target for Dominique’s rapier wit and HSW wisdom.
Weapons of Mass Discussion
Wall Streeters & Wall Street Occupiers, Breaking Yom Kippur Fast, Dropping Sex Bombs & Pocket Rockets Vs Real Bombs & Patriot Missiles, Hollywood Sex Wars, Giving Head to Microphones, Battle of the Sexes, Hollywood, Commedia Erotica, Hot Chicks Union, Sex Week at Yale, Weapons of Mass Seduction, Foxholes & Booby Traps, Jugs of Juice, Ladies in Bikinis, Going Topless For No Tan lines, Funny Frankenstein Porn, Tolerant Wives & Ridiculous Pornos, Getting in Trouble with Girlfriends, Put That Shit in the Movie, Drug Use in HSW, Real Cumming & Fake Fucking, Making Splooge on Film, Chef Emeril on Cooking Up Cum, Investigating Semen, Heavy Loads, Watching Cum Shots, Money Shots, Squirt for Peace, Spit on Hand, Tupac Only Had One Ball, Interracial Sex, Holy Water, Fuck Television, Merv Griffin & Playboy, Slow Castration by Television Network, Ready for War, Good Girl Strippers, Dumbing It Down for TV, Salted Dick, Salty Clitties, Itty Bitty Titty Committee, Dick Connoisseur, Big Ass Dick, Fucking through a Sheet, Anal Sex, No Sex for Orthodox Jews During Niddah (Women’s Period), 697 Broken Jewish Laws, Bloody Sex, Procreative Sex, Wasting Sperm, Freedom is the Greatest Aphrodisiac But Restraint is a Close Second, Holding Back Can Make Sex Better, Getting Tantric, Sleeping with the Boss, Fugitive from American Justice, Occupy America Now, Amazon Wish List, Cutting Edge of Hollywood Hipsters, G-Spot and Clitoris, Area 51, Rubbing Little Red Riding Hood, Spongy G-Spot, Max’s & My 25-Year-Old Love Affair, G-spot Orgasm, All Women can Squirt, Money Holes, Twin Tower Hole, Unanswered Questions About 9-11 Going Unanswered, Sperm Wars, Human Tissue Boob Jobs, What Color is Your Fat Donor?, Boob Jobs in the T.O.B., Nut Sack Injection, Titty Shower Scene, Hot Chicks Trade Unionizer, Competitive Women, Gold Diggers and Broke Niggas, Vibrator with a Cock Ring, Robo-Dick, Vibrator Technology, Swearing off Making Love, Giving Blow Jobs to the Ladies, Softcore Vs Hardcore, Intellectual Woman Partaking in Lewd Activities, Wearing Three Condoms to be Sure, Getting Some Tonight, Love, Pleasure, Revolution and Evolution, Erotic Denial, Hotwife & Cuckold, Ladies’ Auxiliary of Sex, Going Beyond Hetero-Normative Relationships into Fetish, Submissive Servitude, Weiner Restraints, Urination Procedures with Male Chastity Devise, Loose Business Pants on Politicians, Obama in a Weiner Lock, Independent Artists, Drop Bras not Bombs, Pay More to See Whores, Medieval Shit vs. Panties with a Hole, Download Hollywood Sex Wars on iTunes
Show Producer Tasia Sutor Ready for War in Sexy Camouflage, Squirting Pipedream Penis Pistols, Handling Agwa Lime Salt Vials that Look Like Cocaine, Don’t Snort The Agwa Salt!, Laughing, Passionate Wrist Licking, Skeleton Shot Glasses, Taking Agwa Body Shots in HSW Character, Agwa Cum on Face, Invisible Panties, Dildo Swordfights, High Heels, Strappy Sandals, Leather Boots, Foot Fetish, Vulva Puppet Lesson in Female Sexual Anatomy, Ringing Kinky Eddie’s Bell for Sex, Hitachi Magic Wand Play, Sucking & Licking a Big Lollipop, Licking Agwa Salt Off the Back of Captain Max’s Neck & His Lower Lip, Jacqui Pouring Shots Like Charlie Chaplin, Microphone Between the Legs, Salty Sea Dog Agwa Shots, Girls Modeling, Battle of Sexes Turns into Hot Chicks Dildo Swordfighting, Panty Play, Putting Pink Panties on Over Black Tights, Licking Agwa Salt Off a Tight Tummy, Exposing Male Chastity Belt (CB 6000 Model) & White Lace Panties, Pussy Talk, Vulva Puppet Singing Group, Playing with Big Pink Dildo Pillow that The LAPD Claimed (Unsuccessfully) Gave Them a Right to Search The Speakeasy, Getting Really Silly with Sex Toys, Post-Show Spanking, Flogging, Hula-Hooping & Making Out.
Special thanks to Justine Middleton for editorial assistance on this bloggamy entry.