50 Shades of Holy Crap
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by Dr. Susan Block
It seems like the biggest fans of 50 Shades of Grey are those who have not actually read the book. As a writer and avid reader, I confess I found it to be 50 Shades of torture, and not the erotic kind. After wading through bogs of insipid phrases like “holy crap,” “oh my!” and “inner goddess” without a trace of irony, about 40 times each, I found myself begging for a blindfold just so I didn’t have to read anymore.
But as a sex therapist, I give a thumbs-up to anything that gets my clients–and millions of “regular” people around the world–excited about sex, desire, masturbating, communicating, reigniting moribund marital love lives, exploring sex toys, fetish and fantasy roleplay. There’s no doubt that 50 Shades has accomplished an important feat in the world of erotica, whether or not its fans read all those crappy words. And I tip my hat to that. Just please don’t make me read it again!
Some BDSM purists are upset that 50 Shades doesn’t properly represent a consensual Dominance/submissive relationship. No doubt it doesn’t. But it’s a fantasy, a modern patriarchal fairy tale dressed up in grey silk and red leather, now playing in the erotic theater of the mind. In many arenas of life, especially in fantasy, the ideal is the enemy of the real. People interested in negotiating real BDSM will get as much out of 50 Shades of Grey as people interested in building a real relationship get out of reading a Harlequin novel.
However, though Christian Grey does not appear to have taken the prerequisite seminars in BDSM contract negotiations before binding, whacking and verbally abusing the innocent virginal object of his desires, Anastasia is always free to leave her gilded cage. She might not approve of the BDSM activities her lust object prefers, at least not at first, but no one is forcing her to hang out with this guy and his billions. Moreover, in the end (and yes, I confess I skipped a lot of “holy crap” to skim to the end), she accomplishes her goals of romance and marriage. So in a way, this politically incorrect, male-dominant fairy tale actually empowers its female protagonist, certainly a lot more than that great literary BDSM classic (which doesn’t show a speck of crap), Story of O.
Though I didn’t care for 50 Shades, the novel, I really loved 50 Shades: The Musical, a gently hilarious parody of the book. So I am open to seeing the film. Since it doesn’t involve any reading, I might just enjoy it and find myself squealing “Holy Crap!” in the midst of my next orgasm. Sapiosexuality notwithstanding, what turns us on sexually isn’t always great literature.
But please Master/Mistress, don’t make me read it again!
COUNTERPUNCH, “America’s Best Political Newsletter” picks up “50 Shades of Holy Crap”
Excerpted in SFist’s 50 Sexperts on Why They Hate 50 Shades of Grey
© February 11, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.
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04 · 25 · 15 @ 12:44 pm
I’m a communication studies professor (including sexual communication) and a student recently told me to check out your YouTube. I’m already a huge fan!
02 · 13 · 15 @ 10:49 pm
That made me chuckle “50 Shades of holy crap”….love it
02 · 13 · 15 @ 10:25 pm
I love this line Susan: “I found myself begging for a blindfold just so I didn’t have to read anymore.” Well said!
02 · 13 · 15 @ 4:46 pm
This editorial about “50 Shades of grey” is amazing! I love every bit it! Not only that, but every show your doing is amazing! I cannot wait to call in sometime this weekend.
02 · 13 · 15 @ 1:41 pm
great piece!! i agree with it!
02 · 13 · 15 @ 12:17 am
I enjoyed reading your take on 50 Shades. I like your point that it’s just fantasy and not supposed to reflect real BDSM. I enjoyed reading your take on 50 Shades. I like your point that it’s just fantasy and not supposed to reflect real BDSM. I’ve noticed it’s getting people talking & exploring their sexuality more so it can’t be that bad even though the writing totally is
02 · 12 · 15 @ 6:34 pm
Well said Suzy!
02 · 12 · 15 @ 5:25 pm
I know talent when I see it. Dr susan block is one of the kindest people I have ever meet and truly a world class therapist.she has my greatests respect
02 · 12 · 15 @ 5:24 pm
I did read all three books, though I have to agree with you, Suzy — the series was terribly written. Every time a character said “Er….” my hair stood on end, my eyes spun in their sockets and I had brain shudders. But I kept on reading because I wanted to know what all the kabummel was about. I realized early on that this was basically a romance novel in all its glory. Beautiful young SPECIAL girl falls for handsome, rich TROUBLED man… clearly the romance genre. HOWEVER — the author’s brilliant move was to change her story from the vampire genre, which it was originally, to a romance plot spun around BDSM. That was a stroke of genius, however momentary. As for the movie… not sure I want to see it either, though I’m sure none of the characters will say “Er….”
02 · 13 · 15 @ 9:00 am
Penny, for me it was “clambered.” The book was so horrible (I only read one and refused to further torture myself). With Anne Rice’s erotica as the standard, this was about as erotic as rutting swine!
02 · 12 · 15 @ 5:19 pm
<3
02 · 12 · 15 @ 3:12 pm
I haven’t read this book yet but after Dr Susan’s review I don’t feel motivated to read it anymore. Poorly written prose for any purpose, destroys the main message.
02 · 12 · 15 @ 3:02 pm
Excellent review and perspective doctor. I personally, as a writer, read a hand full of pages and refused to read more. The material aside, the style of writing is a C in grade school English and an F from middle school upward. I’m not into BSDM in any form, so I appreciate the perspective of consensual lessons in BSDM. Perhaps the erotic power to sell the number of books it has is in the lack of these lessons. May be what some people want is genuine fear. As disclosure, let me state that I am a 19th century romantic without hope of another’s true love not understanding why the loss of true love in this world seems so celebrated.
02 · 12 · 15 @ 2:59 pm
I really connect with you on this. I, however, have not read the book, nor will I ever want to. Hearing how badly it is written turns me off. But I do applaud it helping repressed people think about sex.
02 · 12 · 15 @ 2:57 pm
Oh Susan, well said! That is exactly how I feel about it. I’m gonna quote you.
02 · 12 · 15 @ 2:43 pm
Lol its the Atlas Shrugged of erotica
02 · 12 · 15 @ 2:10 pm
Holy crap that’s funny!
02 · 12 · 15 @ 1:30 am
That’s very great article about the 50 shades. Many of my women also love those things but only sometimes do they admit it. A lot of them are after my money but mosta the women I play with love to get a red hot as you say ina Jewish “Tussie” o culo.
Thank you for all your writings and insights.