Birthdays and Rebirthdays, Spankings and Orgasms, The Happy Hookah and The Bonobo Way
Another birthday, another party, another spanking, another orgasm, another precious moment in time, another night of peace through pleasure shared among friends and lovers in this fabuloso heaven we call Earth.
Since we’d just done the Jack ‘n’ Jill-Off Jam and a trip to Yale, we didn’t go all out with a big internationally televised porn-star-studded orgy like in yearsbefore. Of course, last year’s B-Bay Bash had to be canceled on account of the B-Day Girl being almost dead with a sudden case of septic shock. It hit me two days after the Whim ‘n Rhythm concert, leaving me comatose and on life support for over a week. I woke up on an intubator for another three horrific days, getting unintubated just before June 10th, my birthday which became my rebirthday, and though I was barely conscious, wracked with pain and edema, as well as totally immobile, I was utterly thrilled to be breathing, with just a few friends and family and a big cake I couldn’t eat gathered around my hospital bed.
This year was not so dramatic. No giant televised orgies, no miraculous resurrections in ICU. We just enjoyed a little impromptu midnight dinner party with friends and lovers here at the Speakeasy at midnight, right after the radio show. My sincere apologies if you were not invited and you believe you should have been. But we just decided to do this last-minute, and we didn’t even start inviting people until like, 36 hours before, and barely planned the anything.
But as we bloggamists know, the best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned.
And despite our lack of planning, we managed to have some of the prettiest gals on the planet here including artist model Lisa Ann Davis (star of Blonde Island and Zorthian), JJ (it was her b-day too!), Amber the Dancer (four kids, and she’s still got the body of a 20-year-old), Melo GalsSara Sioux Robertson and Rachel, sultry Cyn (with her primemate Stan Kent, ex-rocket scientist and erotica author), Debra (world’s sexiest TS attorney), Jenn (with “Kitchen Sink” Chris), Py Conant (author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha), Porn Star Tai Ellis, Lorelai (one of our favorite telephone sex therapists featured on the WE tv piece), and Jennifer (one of our brand new therapists that we picked up through the WE tv piece, fluent in Spanish as well as English). Oh, and one more pretty girl who loves to dance: Lolita, JJ’s adorable itsy-bitsy Chihuahua.
Ninety minutes before the witching hour, some early arrivals gathered around the RadioSuzy1 broadcast console, as Bono sound-alike (and look-alike) Pavel Sfera (featured on “Eros Day 2007: The Operatic Orgy”) sang a very sexy Happy Birthday, and calls came in from around the world. At midnight, we closed the show and cracked open the Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin, ate an awesome b-day dinner of pasta pesto with salmon and giant shrimp prepared by Chef David, gave and received birthday spankings, played hammer dulcimer, welcomed more guests, including LA Weekly “Best Musical” award-winning director of “The Beastly Bombing” Julien Nitzberg, and critically acclaimed artist and Block Studios next-door-neighbor Mavis Kelsey, danced, ate cake, French-kissed, gave massages and more spankings, and, of course, opened presents.
The Happy Hookah
Opening birthday gifts in front of people always makes me nervous; it’s such a challenge to respond to the giver if you don’t really like the gift. But I must say I got some great goodies this time. I won’t bore you with a list. But honorable mention goes to Melo Queen Sara, and her lovely lady-in-waiting Rachel, for two very special gifts. The first appeared in Rachel’s hot little hand in a Barbie Doll-pink suitcase. Inside was a gleaming pink crystal hookah with all the trimmings. I’m not much of a tobacco smoker. I smoke about three ciggies a week, if that. But this hookah business is a whole different kettle of burning embers.
Actually, hookahs and I go way back. When I was sweet 16, I got my first and only other hookah in the Arab market of Old Jerusalem. It was a gorgeous four-foot tall glass contraption fit for a sheik. When I got back home to Philly, I took it apart, hid the hose, stem, clay bowl and tongs in my panty drawer, but I glass base was too big to hide, so I told my parents it was a vase. My mother smelled a fish story, but when I told her she could stick flowers in it, the hookah became her favorite vase.
A year later, as I was packing for college, I wanted to reclaim my hookah from Mom’s zinnias. She was a little testy, but ultimately, I had property rights, and she gave in, consoling herself by proclaiming that now that I was a grown up college girl, I should keep flowers on my desk. Little did she know, I had other plans for my hookah…. But well, the best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned, and all that. I could never figure out how to use the damn thing properly. Several cocky Yale men who thought they could get into my panties by simply firing up my hookah, tried and failed. Actually, one guy did get it to work, but after a few puffs, he transfered to MIT.
But that was then, and this is now, and hookahs are all the rage among the young and chillin’ set. Everybody’s smoking hookahs: Hookers with hookahs do the hoka-hoka. And now they’re much easier (for Americans) to fire up.
So Rachel packed the bowl with Pharoah’s sweet peach-flavored juicy tobacco, fired it up and handed me the sucking end of one of the long curling hoses that resemble the tentacles of an exotic pink squid. I took a puff, and suddenly I realized why so many smokers enjoy the taste of tobacco. Most people would say that this is not a good development in the scheme of my life and health. That’s right, the Melo Girls are corrupting me.
Well, tit for tat. I gave some of them their very first vibrators. Though orgasms are pretty healthy, even if induced by mechanical vibrations.
Well, I’m not too worried about getting addicted to smoking a hookah because it still is a bit of a chore to operate. You can’t just pop a hookah in your mouth like a cigarette when you’re nervous. But it’s just as smoky and probably, puff for puff, hookahs do as much or more damage to your lungs and other tender innards as cigarettes. Nevertheless it does provide a new social pleasure for the Speakeasy with a nice oral Oriental flair. And it’s very sexy to watch a sexy person smoking a hookah, especially when Sara Sioux blows her perfect smoke rings. Sara is to smoke rings what Annie Body is to female ejaculation: the best.
Join Us On BonoboWay.com
Sara Sioux’s other nifty gifty is the firing up of our exciting new website bonoboway.com., a new universe in cyberspace, currently in its pre-pre-beta stages, but soon to put you in touch with some of the world’s most interesting and eclectic people, for business, pleasure, politics or play.
Register to get your piece of paradise, and be part of this exciting revolutionary community of people, art and culture, inspired by The Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure. So…Myspace, Tribe, Xpeeps, AFF and Alt: Watch out! The Bonobo Way is coming your way.
And orgasms, did I mention orgasms? My b-day began and ended with delicious powerful orgasms in the arms of my beloved H; foreplay to orgasm #2 including a very hot erotic massage by one of the prettiest girls at the party. What more could a Rebirthday Girl want?
Of course, there is the dark side of birthdays. The world turns, the hookah burns, and another year passes into elusive history, each year passing a bit faster than the one before. Under these relentless circumstances, I take comfort in the words of one of our sexiest Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin (who happens to look remarkably like my darling H). When a young man asked big Ben for sexual advice, he replied, “Older women are best, because they appreciate it so much more.” Thank you, Benny. Your wisdom shines upon the relentless procession of birthdays, turning it into a glorious erotic parade.
And a Sexy Happy Birthday to you, my darling bloggamist, whenever you were born. We are all born from sex. With all due respect to the Virgin Mother, most mothers are not virgins. We are all born of sperm and egg coitus. Until we start cloning ourselves, we are all Children of Sex, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners. Sex is what brings us into the world, and sex is what motivates us to stick around for a while. Praise the Lord and the Lady! Praise be to the Power and Glory of Sex! It keeps you young.