Rosalyn Dischiavo

Following is an email from Rosalyn Dischiavo sent to the AASECT Board and Listserv the day after I emailed her (below) regarding her disruptive, unprofessional behavior at my Bonobo Way AASECT 2019 presentation. In red are her words, a loosely connected series of libelous and defamatory rants, lies, insults, excuses and accusations. In black are my responses, to set the record straight. For more, read my AASECT 2019 Journal.

From: Rosalyn Dischiavo
Sent: Thursday, June 20, 2019 6:25 AM
To: Stiritz, Susan
Cc: AASECT Board

Subject: Re: Susan Block

Susan Block showed up for her talk with a camera man who blocked most of her presentation from the participants in the room. She had no permission from participants to film. Jane was in the room at the beginning and told me Susan would need written permission from every person in the room even for voices to be filmed (agree). I let her know this and she informed me that they were only going to film her, and since she was miked and they were not, no one would hear them.

As I told you Thursday night long before my talk, I had permission from AASECT staff to film me (not the attendees) during my presentation, just like I had done at AASECT 2016 without releases. Many other sessions were being filmed and photographed at the conference, and none of the sessions I sat in on asked me to sign anything. My husband/producer Max posted two “Film Warning” signs. Your last-minute requirement of “releases” would not have allowed me to start the class for at least a half-hour, even if you had provided release forms (which you didn’t). As it was, you delayed my presentation for 5-10 minutes and got us all off to a very bumpy start.

She was rude to the hotel AV staff. She was treating everyone, including me, related to the presentation as a servant of some kind, asking for water when it was literally right in front of her and other rudeness. I apologized to the AV person afterward, it was so bad.

Rude? As I had told Jane several weeks before the conference, I have sinusitis which was exacerbated by the stress of your silly demands, and I could barely breathe. I didn’t see the water on the table at first, but as soon as someone pointed it out, I said, “Thank you” and took a sip. The AV person didn’t seem to think I was “rude” as he stayed for the entire presentation, which he didn’t have to do, and he told Max and me afterwards that he really enjoyed it. I didn’t treat anyone “as a servant,” least of all you (on the contrary, I tried my best to be a good therapist and calm you down), but perhaps the Italian translation of your name “Dischiavo” (of a slave) has made you a little paranoid.

She started her talk, and was speaking mostly to the camera rather than the participants. He was in the middle of the small room, making it impossible for a lot of people to see her or her video. It was SO bad that I left 5 minutes in, asked Jane’s advice, and consequently went back in, interrupted her telling her we had a “technical” problem to avoid too much embarrassment on her part.

Avoid embarrassment? Ha. It was extremely embarrassing and unprofessional of you to walk out, then come back in and demand I leave my own presentation so you could scold and spit on me instead of just asking Max to move to the side. By the way, Max couldn’t have blocked anyone’s view of the video, because the video hadn’t even started when you called me out into the hallway to “call me on the carpet.”

Participants in the room were:

—leaving

—rolling their eyes

—hiding laughs and grins behind their hands

YOU made attendees extremely uncomfortable by your disruptive, abusive and downright scary behavior. They all saw you calling me out like a naughty schoolgirl. Your aggressive, unprofessional interruptions made everyone feel awkward, like they were witnessing a domestic quarrel or a police intervention. You forced me to take questions before I was finished with my talk. That’s why some left; they came to hear my talk, not odd, irrelevant questions like yours. Essentially, you stole the time that they paid for. In fact, I had several attendees, AASECT’s paying customers, come to me later and express concern at your behavior, one noting that “Roz has a trail of problem interactions.”

Because it was like living inside of a bad stereotype of Hollywood.

Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be a good “stereotype” of anything. And Hollywood or Hartford, that’s no excuse for your abusive behavior.

I took her aside and let her know that her presentation was for the participants, and that she needed to address them, not the camera, and that the camera would need to be moved to the side of the room. I was polite, but I did let her know that the main point of her presentation at AASECT was to disseminate information, not to promote. That was the last interaction we had.

You were not polite. You were spitting all over me in fury and officious indignation. What inappropriate promotion took place? Other AASECT presenters promoted their books, practices, schools, certifications, careers, credits, apps, etc. Either you don’t know what the word “promoting” means, or your problem with my presentation was the content itself which would make your interruptions intentional sabotage and censorship. I just wanted you to stop abusing me, so I said okay, whatever you say. Also, that was by no means “the last interaction we had.” I wish it had been.

She agreed, went back into the room and completed the presentation. It was AWFUL.

I did not “complete the presentation”—you wouldn’t let me—and the most awful thing I did was “agree,” in my futile efforts to placate you, thinking if I was nice, you would leave me alone and let me give my presentation. My biggest regret is that I didn’t kick you out.

Her video consisted of bits from National Geographic videos, other nature shows, and shots of her kissing and interacting with bonobos through glass at a zoo.

The video, which I call “Bonobo Wallpaper,” is mostly for effect while I speak. It’s a compilation of different pieces of footage, some of which my film crew and I shot at the zoo, some of which was shot at Lola ya Bonobo (by Nat Geo and others), which has given me permission to use their footage. And yes, Bonobo Lana and I touch hands and feet, as well as exchange kisses through the glass at the San Diego Zoo. Something wrong with that?

She gave some scientific information, but nothing more than what one could read from one book. (I have. Not hers.).

Well, aren’t you fabulous for not doing your research and reading my book? Thanks to your disruptions, I could only get through half of my prepared talk, which gave the basics about bonobos. The second half included information about a baboon tribe that had “gone bonobos,” as well human couples who, inspired by the bonobos, had improved their sex lives. The attendees were denied this material, thanks to your disruptions and demands.

She gave no references for her claims when the audience asked questions. I did ask a couple of questions toward the end, to ascertain whether she knew anything. She didn’t seem to have any claims to expertise. If she does have expertise, it was neither apparent, nor explained.

You cut me off, making me answer questions before I had finished giving my talk. Nobody asked me for “references,” not even you. Also, thanks for admitting that your question wasn’t genuine (I had a sense it wasn’t), but a ridiculous test to “ascertain” my knowledge. Really, it was just another big waste of everyone’s time and a blatant attempt to sabotage my integrity.

Her presentation skills were awful.

Is continuously calling me “awful” a way of excusing your foul behavior? In your heart, you know it’s no excuse at all. I’ve presented dozens of times in front of many different audiences, including packed auditoriums. I’ve been broadcasting live on radio, TV and the internet almost every week for over 35 years. What was truly “awful” was your behavior as a representative of AASECT.

She stood in front of her video, blocking what participants could see, and although she moved when asked, she moved back into front of it multiple times.

I like to move back and forth as I speak, sometimes walking in front of the video, letting the images flow over me. As I explained to the attendees just after I hit “play,” it’s not a power-point demo where the audience needs to fully see every frame; many of the images are repeated two or three times. I just play it to give attendees a sense of bonobo life. I moved away because you barked at me like a mad dog or a bad director. A moderator is not the director; it isn’t your job to direct the presentation. And sure, when you left me alone for a few blissful minutes, I went back to walking and talking as I usually do.

In short…it was not AASECT level.

Why was I invited back after having already given a very well-received presentation at AASECT 2016 if “it was not AASECT level”?  If you really don’t feel I’m “AASECT level,” you should not have invited me back. That would have been a lot better (and cheaper) for all of us than you inviting me and then sabotaging my session.

Speaking of which, do you think your email here is “AASECT level”? Asking for a friend…

Apparently she accosted Jane (Jane’s words) after the presentation, and was incredibly rude to Jane.

You are lying again. I did not “accost” Jane. Max and I saw Jane and Juan when we were looking for you, asked them if they knew where you were and explained part of what happened when they asked. I was not “rude” – nor did she or anyone (but you) say I was. I was upset by your abuse. Though Jane and Juan did not offer any substantial solutions, they were nice and at least tried to show compassion. Regardless, stop using my imaginary “rudeness” as an excuse for your vicious, unprofessional behavior. Even if I was “rude,” it was your job as my moderator (and as a Board member) to help me, the presenter, not hurt me. Are you trying to blame Jane for your bad behavior?

Once this went down, I checked her out online because her credentials seemed sketchy to me. I found that Wikipedia agrees: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Block

“Went down”? You sound like you’ve watched The Godfather one too many times. I don’t know what “credentials” are “sketchy.” I’ve got several degrees, some from distinguished universities like Yale, others from less prominent schools. Funny, one of my degrees is from the same institute as yours (IASHS). Oh, and I’m not AASECT-certified, nor do I want to be… especially now!

I also found no evidence of her “award winning HBO series.” She was on one episode of HBO’s Real Sex. (episode 25).

You’re lying again or you’re just a lousy researcher. I hosted two #1 Nielsen-rated 30-minute HBO specials, “Radio Sex TV” and “Radio Sex TV 2: Off the Dial” in 1997 and 1998, both directed by Shari Cookson, produced by the late great Dave Bell and executive-produced by Sheila Nevins. Both specials have been rerun many dozens of times all over the world, and they continue to be rerun. I never called them “award-winning,” but they are #1 Nielsen-rated. I have also been featured in two episodes of HBO’s Real Sex: Episodes 11 and 25, and I have appeared in several others. I’ve also appeared on dozens of other shows, from Oprah to The Doctors.

Other than that she seems to be mostly self-created.

Finally, you’re not lying. Though many universities, communities and individuals, especially my husband of 27 years, have helped and influenced me along my journey, I’m proud to be “mostly self-created.” Maybe you should learn a little “self-creation,” aka branding. I notice you don’t get much traffic on your sites or for your book.

I believe her book is also self-published, not sure.

Okay, let’s talk books. My first book, Advertising for Love, which predicted online dating back in 1984, was published by William Morrow.  My second book, Being a Woman, a New York Times best-seller I ghostwrote for Dr. Toni Grant, was published by Random House. My third book, The 10 Commandments of Pleasure, was published by St. Martin’s Press (also published in 11 countries and translated into eight languages) and continues to sell well. My fourth book, The Bonobo Way, was published by my own publishing house, Gardner & Daughters, which also publishes Dr. Block’s Speakeasy Journals, the latest editions being Splosh ‘n’ Art and Spank ‘n’ Art, as well as Lasse Braun’s Lady Caligula and others. Yes, I own my own publishing house, and I’m proud of that too. I’ve also written numerous articles and short stories that have been published in various collections and anthologies, including five articles on “Fetish,” “Striptease,” ”Phone Sex,” “Spanking” and “Cuckolding,” in the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality.

I was thinking about how this happened. We don’t have a policy of checking the credentials of everyone who sends a proposal, even if there proposal is initially accepted by the reviewers. This is supposed to protect us from playing favorites, which I think is very important, but perhaps we can have some kind of controls on this kind of thing. I’m open to suggestions on how we can avoid this.

Here’s “how this happened”: My proposal was accepted on its numerous merits by AASECT. Then you disrupted and tried to ruin my session out of what appeared to be your own ignorance, jealousy and rage. Here’s how to “avoid this”: Don’t go on the warpath against your presenters… especially while they’re presenting!

Apparently she has just posted on the listserv, too.

I didn’t deliberately post anything to the listserv; I cc’ed the AASECT board and conference chairs. But if I accidentally posted it to the listserv along with all those other emails I copied from the AASECT site, well, so be it. At this point, there is no pleasing you, and no benefit to keeping quiet, so I am posting your letter on my website, along with my responses to your defamatory fabrications and accusations. I have nothing to hide. Apparently, you do. It seems you very deliberately posted this litany of lies to the listserv too. I guess you thought I wouldn’t see it because you left out the address I’d emailed you from, but you missed another of my addresses I’d cc’ed, and then there’s the listserv. Secrets have a way of spilling out, even when you think you’re being careful and have wiped away your fingerprints.

Open to feedback about how you want it health with.

Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo, EdD, MA, CSES
Director, Institute for Sexuality Education & Enlightenment
http://instituteforsexuality.com
Author “The Deep Yes, the Lost Art of True Receiving”

“Health with”?  I suppose you mean “dealt with”… and it doesn’t sound too healthy. And here you go again, treating me as a nonperson, as something to be “dealt with.” Sorry, but you had your chance to “deal with” me—“awful” little old me—during my session. You could have “dealt with” me civilly and professionally, like a good moderator and a decent human being, but instead you chose to assault me like a mad bull, not to mention a bad therapist. I realize that you hold a powerful position on the AASECT Board, and your fellow Board members will probably “deal with” your behavior by circling the wagons, at least for now. They tried to persuade me not to write or talk publicly about your behavior, but that cannot be. I sincerely hope that my description of the incident on my journal, as well as my response to this email, will help you to learn to be more civil with your presenters and other invited guests, even the ones you feel are “awful.” I also hope that the other AASECT Board members carefully read your letter and ask themselves if this is a proper way for a fellow Board member to communicate with a presenter. I don’t think so.

Susan Block, Ph.D.

On Jun 19, 2019, at 4:39 PM, Dr. Susan Block Companies wrote:

Dear Ms. Dischiavo

Your conduct during my AASECT session on The Bonobo Way was extremely rude, disruptive, unprofessional and unbecoming of an AASECT director. I wanted to speak to you about this immediately after the session, but you disappeared. Therefore, I am writing you this note.

First, let me clarify that I do not participate in AASECT conferences to get or give certification or credits. I come there, when invited, to teach participants what I know about bonobos and the Bonobo Way, so they can use this essential, primal knowledge to help their clients, patients and students in their sex education, counseling and therapy practices.

Having said that, you have personally pissed me off, and you will be able to read about this incident in my upcoming travel journal.

You should seriously reconsider your behavior toward your outside speakers because you do damage to AASECT and to your own professional reputation, which is already rather shaky from what I’ve heard.

If you’d like to discuss this encounter, I invite you to be a call-in guest on my weekly show to give your side of the story or, if you wish, you may post a comment on the journal, or you can respond to this email for publication.

Sincerely,

Susan Block

CC: AASECT Board members and conference co-chairs

For more, read the AASECT 2019 Journal.