Incels tend to blame their condition on being short, or ugly, or poor, or some combination of the above. The truth is that most of them, at least the ones I’ve observed, simply have terrible social skills; they aren’t likeable, and don’t know how to be likeable.

The result is that there are large numbers of unlikeable young men who are teeth-grindingly horny every day from puberty onward and can’t get laid without paying for it. [If you are a woman reading this, try to imagine yourself in that situation; you’re maximally horny EVERY DAY and can’t get laid, at all.] The women who respond to these unlikeable young men by disliking and rejecting them aren’t doing anything wrong, but it’s unsurprising if many years of that kind of frustration tend to result in many of the frustrated young men developing misogynistic attitudes, and a few of them becoming mentally unbalanced and violently antisocial.

I was there once. I was unlikeable; sarcasm was my default conversational style. It took me years to recognize why I wasn’t liked, and more years to figure out how to change it. Some men lack the insight to recognize their own shortcomings; of those who do recognize their issues, many simply cannot figure out how to change them.

Those who recognize their own lack of social skills can be helped, if teachers are available who can show them a more likeable approach to the world. Those who don’t recognize their own shortcomings and blame their unpopularity on unchangeable factors like height are much more difficult.