Length 01:33:31 Date: March 13, 2021

by Dr. Susan Block. 

There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, Brothers and Sisters!

That doesn’t mean we’re at the end of the tunnel. Also, the light is not necessarily a shining star illuminating heaven on earth. That would be ideal. But, as Capt’n Max says: The Ideal is the Enemy of the Real.

This proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel” could reveal horrors we’ve been blissfully blind to while traveling through the strange and scary darkness of the Coronapocalypse.

Who knows? But on we go a’traveling through this tunnel which, on F.D.R. (F*ck Da Rich) The Bonobo Way, is always a Tunnel of Love.
 

 
Weapons of Masked Seduction

Like many—but unfortunately, not all—of our fellow humans, we’re getting vaccinated and getting psyched for a 2021 version of the 20^th century’s Roaring Twenties when the flappers flapped their winged short skirts, jumped for joy, danced the Charleston, drank in the Speakeasies and made up for the “lost” fun they missed out on (we’re not the only ones) during the terrible Influenza of 1918.

But we haven’t roared out of this darkness yet, and there’s still plenty of little coronavirus particles out there jumping from person to person, mutating and moving through our vulnerable, life-sustaining respiratory systems, threatening every one of us and our grandmothers.

So… to help stop the spread of Covid-19, we’re spreading the word that MASKS are SEXY!

Obviously, saving lives (their own or their grandmothers’) isn’t enough to motivate the anti-maskers, but if they can see those little facemasks as Weapons of Masked Seduction, maybe they’ll actually wear them and, inadvertently, save lives.

Calling them Weapons of Masked Seduction might help, since a lot of these anti-maskers are ammosexuals.

Masking up when we’re physically close to others strikes me, Capt’n Max, Mariah, Unscene Abe, the rest of Bonoboville and most of our comrades around the world as an obviously good thing to do in an airborne pandemic. Listen above or below for why we’re calling everyone “comrades,” as opposed to the now politically incorrect “ladies and gentlemen” (though you’re still all my “Brothers and Sisters” and Amen and Awomen to that!). Of course, we could just call everyone “everyone,” but “comrades” sounds more romantic (a lot sexier than Max’s alternative of “colleagues”), with connotations of Che Guevara and Comrade Britney, and of course, it’s more socialist (f*ck da rich!).

Unfortunately, not all our comrades are keen on our efforts to eroticize masking up.

As soon as I tweeted a link to Masks Are Sexy, I received an impassioned reply from a porn star I don’t know declaring the mask-wearing to be “subordination,” and that she refused to “subordinate” herself to Mask-Enforcing Overlords, my little mask article, or whatever. When more replies effectively shattered her subordination “theory,” she came back with “Everyone is getting Mascne (acne from wearing non stop masks).” [sic]

Looks like somebody needs to wash her masks… or maybe her face.

Another porn star, Hamilton Steele, an old comrade and Dr. Susan Block Show guest (circa 2004, featured in such DrSuzy.Tv classics as “Diddlin’ & Fiddlin’”), calls in, happy to have arrived in the less Covid-restrictive U.S. (specifically the party-hardy-pandemic-be-damned Sunshine State), calling himself a Covid “refugee,” having felt unjustly persecuted by Covid restrictions throughout Canada and Europe where he was working at Le Cinema Beverly, “the last porn theater in all of France.”

Of course, we strongly disagree with Comrade Hamilton’s anti-mask views, and most of our answers are laid out nice-and-clearly for you in right here.

With Hamilton Steele holding his beer(s) in “Diddlin’ & Fiddlin'” (2004) on DrSuzy.Tv. Photo: Will Tauxe

However, I also sympathize with my beloved porn star friends in these tough and turbulent times. Many hail from Red States where all their friends and family are pro-Drumpf and anti-mask, so they are too. Others, like Hamilton, feel that the “Woke Left” has driven them rightward. Though the Religious Right has always attacked them as sinners, many on the Left have also been crusading against porn and other kinds of sex work, conflating consenting adult sex work with odious “trafficking” (more about this on my Media Roots interview). Moreover, many sex workers, porn stars and strippers who have been unable to work in the Coronapocalypse, have not been deemed worthy of pandemic relief. No wonder they don’t trust anyone official telling them to physically distance, get vaccinated or—at least until we have this thing under control—wear a damn mask.

Back in the early 2000s, Hamilton, aka “Meat Puppet,” bonded with Max and me over our mutual love for sexual freedom and hate for war, specifically chickenhawk George W. Bush’s horrible Rape of Iraq. Hamilton is still antiwar and, of course, so are we (it’s the Bonobo Way), but other issues now divide us, such as the recent, less murderous but ragingly destructive Rape of the Capitol, and then there’s the pesky matter of masking up. Fortunately, Hamilton was not among the Insurrectionists (that we know of), and yes, we still love him, in a Bonobo Way, and we let the conversation veer into more pleasant areas, such as the pre-pandemic greatness of swinging French libertine clubs and sex toy shops. Bottom line: Monsieur Meat Puppet can do what he wants in the Mar-A-Lago state, but if he wants to come back to Bonoboville, he has to mask up like the natives. We know he’s a nudist, so naked is okay.

Naked with a mask!

Listen above or below for a peek into the inner workings of a globe-trotting, “freedom”-loving, mask-despising, government-shunning pornstar… with a big shillelagh.

Leprechauns “Canceled” for Pinching?!

Why a shillelagh? It’s St. Patrick’s Season, when we celebrate Irish clubs, pubs and lucky charms. Supposedly, St. Patrick was another celibate, like Saint Valentine. I don’t know if anyone besides his mom ever saw his shillelagh (being Irish, if you go by stereotypes, it probably wasn’t huge), but it’s pretty certain he was a man. However, it’s Women’s History Month, so in this week’s post-show throwback, St. Paddy’s Day, the Bonobo Way with GasMaskGirl, we honor Emma Gonzales, eloquent gun control activist and survivor of the Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School Valentine’s Day Massacre, as well as Stormy Daniels, eloquent porn star and survivor of a night with Donald J. Trumpenstein. It also happens to be the first show I uttered the word “ammosexual” to describe people who fetishize firearms. Unfortunately, I found many more occasions to use that term to describe people, some of whom are in Congress.

St. Paddy’s Day in Bonoboville on the Edge of the Trumpocalypse with GasMaskGirl & Phoenix Dawn. Photo: Jux Lii

St. Paddy’s Day, the Bonobo Way with GasMaskGirl also demonstrates, with joyous orgiastic abandon, that masks aren’t *just* responsible and protective, they can be fun, funny and SEXY. #GoBonobos for GasMaskGirl, recipient of the 2020 SUZY award, for being ahead of the times.

Is the “paddywagon” next on Irish Cancel Culture’s list? Listen above or below. And what about leprechauns? Those cute Lucky Charms sugar-pushing trolls would be considered sexual harassers in the #MeToo era. After all, Irish legend has it that leprechauns would sneak up and nonconsensually pinch—yes, pinch!—anyone not wearing green which camouflages the wearer among the verdant foliage of the Emerald Isle.

Yes, that’s why we wear green on St. Paddy’s Day—to prevent leprechaun sexual harassment.

This Blarney-esque revelation sets off a flutter of reactions on Reddit, IG, Facebook, Twitter and our other platforms, like “If leprechauns were super hung they’d be the tripods of the fairy kingdom” “Are leprechauns mini-Trump pussy-grabbers?” and “Don’t let cancel culture cancel leprechauns!” and “Is the Bible next?”

No worries, leprechaun stans; if “cancel culture” ever cancels leprechauns, that’ll just make your kitschy leprechaun memorabilia worth a lot more on Ebay. Same with the Bible, only more so.

Listen above or below as I explain how the Dr. Seuss estate turned a cancel culture lemon into pop-literary lemonade—and big profits on all their books, canceled and not canceled. Tip: if you want to read one Dr. Seuss book besides The Cat in the Hat, take this sexologist’s “Dr. Seuss-y” advice, skip the Green Eggs and Ham, and read the Sneetches, a cartoon masterpiece about the beauty of diversity.

This is why, even though it really scares me sometimes, I’m not opposed to bottoms-up cancel culture. Like boycotting, it’s one way for “Da People” to speak out against “Da Rich.” What I am against is punch-down censorship, which silences us little guys just to protect Big Tech’s bottom line. Cancel culture doesn’t actually silence anybody, unless they’re also censored.

Your Royal Hiney

For example, many of us commoners are trying to cancel the British “royals,” which probably annoys and even frightens them. But they are not being censored… yet.

I ask Prince Max, a senior member of two different royal families—the Filangieris and the Lobkowiczes—how he felt watching the very public British Royal Family quarrel. This latest episode of the ongoing soap opera was deftly produced by Queen Oprah, whom we met when she was just another Duchess of Daytime TV, and I was her guest in 1993 (no, I didn’t curtsy, but more about that on another show). Listen above or below for Prince Maximillian’s royal response.

Calling someone “Your Royal Highness” sounds to my ears like some kind of BDSM roleplay.

Of course, the British Royal Family is an institution (“The Firm”) of historic racism, colonialism, exploitation, environmental destruction and the most brutal slavery in world history. Since Medieval times, they’ve been a bunch of bloodline-fetishizing, over-privileged, racist scumbags. The fact that the current members of The Firm couldn’t bring themselves to be cordial to half-Black American celebrity Meghan Markle so her interracial star power could give their bloodline-fetishizing, over-privileged, racist scumbag brand a much-needed cosmetic upgrade just shows they are also very foolish.

Not that some of these individual members don’t have fine qualities too. I for one am a big fan of Queen Lizzy’s hats and Kate’s legs, and hey, don’t knock curtsying until you’ve tried it… then go ahead and knock it because, unless you’re a sissymaid, it’s pretty damn silly.

As for calling someone “Your Royal Highness,” it sounds to my ears like some kind of BDSM roleplay. At this point, “Your Royal Hiney” might be more fitting.  

Or how about Comrade?

My favorite meme to come out of the Royal Row is the photoshopped pic of Major the Dog, looking gravely aggrieved, having recently been *hounded* from the White House, sitting across from Queen Oprah, trying to tell his side of the story.

Major Biden sits down with Oprah.

Free Major Biden! Chico can relate.

On a more serious note, as we were broadcasting this show live, British police were brutalizing and arresting (mostly female) mourners at a vigil for Sarah Everard who was allegedly raped and murdered by a Metropolitan Police Officer. Shouting “Shame on you!” and “Arrest your own,” these British “subjects” are in the mood to “cancel” their overseers, and who can blame them?

It’s not just jolly old England, of course. Throughout history, royalty often gets away with murder. Everyone knows Saudi Prince MBS (Mohammed bin Salman), “Lord of the Flies,” had Jamal Khashoggi murdered; there’s even a new report on it. Biden sanctioned some of the murder conspirators, but not Murderer-in-Chief MBS.

Speaking of those slippery Saudis, remember Osama bin Laden? Well, the Bin Laden family is almost done building the world’s tallest building. It’s right there in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, rising up from the oily “Kingdom” in the desert, giving a giant middle finger to the world.

One of Max’s favorite royals in history was the rather bonoboësque Bavarian Mad King Ludwig, a great patron of the arts and foe of the military, whose amazing Disney-like castles, criticized for their expense (as well as the reason for calling him “Mad”), are now the most lucrative tourist attractions in Bavaria. Listen above or below for more.

We also discuss the latest Cuomosexual news, which is now looking worse than Al Franken. It’s not just fingers up the back at a wedding; it’s (allegedly) paws up the front in the Governor’s office. Will they recall him? It’s all politics. Here in California, they have almost enough signatures for a Gavin Newsom recall, and no one’s even accused him of groping, just having weird hair and asking Californians to stay home when he was hypocritically stuffing his unmasked face at French Laundry. Okay, Gavin’s no F.D.R. or even Jerry Brown (neither of whom were paragons), but last time we did a recall, we got the Governator…

Then we pivot to Milosexuality: Far Right provocateur Milo Yiannopoulos has suddenly declared himself to be ex-gay, demoting his husband to “housemate.” It’s all fine that Comrade Milo knows how to get himself in the news, and most of us are really pansexual anyway. The problem is that now he’s supporting “conversion therapy,” shown to be useless, harmful and one of Mike Pence’s favorite ways to torture LGBTQ youth.

Speaking of the former Veep, is that one of those “flies” that MBS is Lord of on Mike Pence’s head?

In Joe News: #GoBonobos for a pretty good Covid Relief Package—finally something for Da People and not just Da Rich—and we’re happy that Comrade Joe appears to have listened to last week’s F.D.R., as evidenced by him saying pretty much the same thing we said: These ignorant vicious attacks on Asians and Asian-Americans (mostly because the racist Former Guy called Covid the “Kung Flu”) need to stop.

Back to St. Paddy’s Day: I’ve always loved the “Kiss Me I’m Irish” rule, even if you’re not at all Irish. Though I can’t follow it with everyone nowadays; at least, I can kiss Comrade Max and—after I strip off my sexy mask—he gets extra Irish kisses because he just shaved.

Enjoy the sapiosexual stories and erotic insights of Track 12, My Darling Comrades.

And don’t miss the very special, eargasmic climax! Listen above or below for more! Take the Train through the Tunnel of Love..

March 13. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.