The Bonobo Way of Great Sex at Adultcon
Length 00:43:20 Date: September 23, 2017
Say what you will about smut, trash, sexploitation, dirty girls, sleazy guys, so-called “sex addiction” (which is, to a great extent, a fallacy) and the world going to porno hell in a high-heeled handbasket. I love porn stars, and I am not ashamed.
Salute the Troops of Porn
Porn stars are on the front lines of freedom in the culture “wars” against sexual oppression, wielding Weapons of Mass Seduction. Instead of nukes and guns, they brandish squirting orgasms and taboo views of genitalia in action. Cocks not Glocks! Boobs not Bombs! Porn stars are the “troops” who put their bodies on the line for our sex education and consensual pleasure.
I salute the troops!
In this spirit of “porno patriotism,” I accepted Adultcon’s invitation to deliver the Bonobo Way of Great Sex to their seasonal gathering of souls united through their mutual admiration and consensual exploration of pornography.
Indeed, Adultcon is a communal, fairly open, relatively shameless celebration of something that is now utterly ubiquitous, yet almost always kept very private, something for which politicians and preachers often try to shame us, even though they secretly “like” it too.
Yes, Ted Cruz, I’m talking about you. But there are so many others as bad as you, so many hypocrites who “like” porn when they’re alone with their phones and their peckers, but rail against it, or at least shy away from supporting it, in public. If there is a “hell,” there’s a special place in it for these puritanical perverts.
That’s one reason why I joined the porn stars, cam performers (camming and clips appear to be financially overtaking more formally produced porn), strippers and the fans who publicly—and rather courageously—support them, to let them know about the bodacious bonobo chimpanzees who swing through the trees, as well as with each other, and who also “support” them.
No, not by paying their rent. Sorry, but bonobos aren’t sugar daddies, though they do love sweet fruits. Bonobos “support” the porn industry and adult community, both philosophically and scientifically, by being the horniest and porniest, as well as the most peaceful and female empowered apes on earth.
Bonobos are “Great Apes for Great Sex.” And that’s no Kellyann Con Job. It’s real.
Adultcon Here We COME (In More Ways Than One)!
So I wiggled into my skintight black-and-blue latex mini-dress, custom-made for me by the sensational Mademoiselle Ilo of Paris (last worn at my Yale reunion banquet and the DomCon Mistress Tea), stuck Impeach Trump and Femocracy NOW pins in my hat, then slid into slinky fishnet stockings and porno high heels.
Then I gathered up some of the good citizens of Bonoboville to aid me in my mission, and off we went to the LA Convention Center in Downtown LA, bound to bring the Good News of the Bonobo Way to the folks that, on a certain level, can most appreciate it.
The LA Convention Center is a pretty cold place—literally and figuratively. They even posted a sign, “Lewd Conduct Prohibited,” especially for us.
But the enthusiastic welcome we received from the fans and the pleasant Adultcon staff at the gate warmed us up right away.
Many have no idea of our history (or any history!), but many do, and it was nice to connect with fans and old friends we hadn’t seen in a while.
Photos 1 & 2: Daniele Watts. Photos 3,4 & 6: Christine Dupree. Photo 5: Selfie. Photos 7& 8: Jux Lii
I won’t lie like the U.S. Dotard-in-Chief and say it was the biggest Adultcon turnout ever.
Photos 1 & 2: Author. Photo 3: Abe Bonobo. Photo4: Christine Dupree
The cavernous Convention Center was not packed, and I kept hearing murmurings among the vendors that there were a lot fewer attendees than in years’ past.
Though everyone had their theories, no one knew exactly why.
Has Post-Trump Sex Disorder even afflicted Adultcon?
Certainly, some of the stars and fans in attendance at Adultcon were as disturbed by the nonconsensual Pussy-Grabber in the Oval Office as many concerned American citizens.
“He’s such an embarrassment,” moaned Eric John, CEO and leading man of Erotique Entertainment, one of the adult industry’s most educated members (a graduate of MIT and a Boeing executive before being bitten by the porno bug) and one of our favorite guests on The Dr. Susan Block Show.
We also reconnected with the lovely, perfectly pastie’d ladies of Burlypicks Burlesque at the table-next-door.
I did get a little spooked when the presenters just before me suddenly pulled out a bunch of machine guns, holding them with steely resolve for several minutes as the speaker spoke.
The weak sound system made it difficult to hear, especially in auditory competition with the deafening disco throb of the faux strip club down the hall, so I couldn’t quite make out why they were brandishing the artillery. I assume (and hope) that it was fake.
Later, I heard the display had something to do with the speaker, Summer Helene, and her effort to show attendees how to “attract attention” in the saturated adult marketplace.
And here I was coming out for “Cocks Not Glocks,” not “Cocks With Glocks,” or in this case, “Pussies with Pistols.” Sigh.
I suppose the smut ‘n’ gun-lovers left their seats for the porno peaceniks, because by the time I stepped onto the stage, I noticed we had a very nice, seemingly peaceful audience.
The Bonobo Way: Make SEX Great Again!
Again, no Trumpian embellishments here, but all the seats were filled with friendly faces, or at least, interested expressions, with standing-room only (though there was plenty of room to stand).
You might wonder how I got so many allegedly attention-deficit-disordered porn fans to sit through a lecture about great apes… without machine guns.
First, put some of the hottest up-and-coming porn starlets, a charismatic mainstream actress, a celebrity chef, a professional cuddle-ist and a couple of Bonoboville’s own sexpots-in-residence onstage with me, get them doing funny, erotic things to illustrate my points, and within moments, all eyes on us.
Second, porn fans are no more ADD-afflicted than the rest of fake news and social media-bombarded humanity.
When someone answered a question correctly, they “got lei’ed” (with an Agwa lei).
Many thanks to acclaimed actress Daniele Watts and Chef Be*Live, porn starlets Alex More and Veronica Valentine, professional “cuddlist” Christina Hepburn, as well as our own Gypsy Bonobo and Jacquie Blu for expertly sucking bananas, licking crème pies, playing with masks, sensuously lubing up my Mademoiselle Ilo latex dress, and miming bonoboësque sex acts as I explained the theory and practice of the Bonobo Way of Great Sex.
The “hoka hoka” demonstration was especially hot, or as hot as you can get in the “Lewd Act Prohibitive” LA Convention Center.
At one point, we spontaneously formed a hoka-hoka conga line.
I’ve given several Bonobo Way talks at various symposia, conventions and university settings, locally and abroad, each with a slightly different spin on the real bonobo lifestyle and what we humans can learn from it.
At the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez (now, so sadly, battered by Hurricanes Irma and Maria; please donate to help here), I delivered the keynote address to the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution on “El Camino del Bonobo,” the Bonobo Way of Ecosexuality.
I also gave a talk on the “The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity” at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists, and at DomCon LA 2016, I presented “The Bonobo Way of FemDom Power,” and was invited back as a “Guest of Honor” to deliver “FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of Female Empowerment” at DomCon 2017.
The bonobos’ high level of sexuality has been an important aspect of all the talks, but for Adultcon, it was the focus.
Porn fans tend to be more visual than intellectual, of course, so some of our favorite Bonoboville citizens gave “flesh” to its ideas.
Actually, in this instance, we had to be as visual as possible for another reason. Every venue has its benefits and drawbacks. At Adultcon, with that relentless strip club beat roaring all around us, I couldn’t even hear myself speak. I went hoarse from shouting out most of the lecture like a town crier. Good thing I had a water bottle with my favorite micro-penis straw to lubricate my larynx.
Good thing I had my marvelous Commedia Erotica Bonoboville Players to act out what I was saying.
Charlie & Phoebe Release Their Inner Bonobos
One of the highlights was the inspirational story of Charlie and Phoebe (not their real names), acted out by Chef Be*Live and Christina Hepburn.
Phoebe and Charlie used to have “Great Sex,” when they first met, when sex was easy, and chemistry just took its course.
But after eight years of marriage, two kids, a mortgage on the house and a 45 pound weight gain (between the two of them), their sex life was in the toilet… and they were not into golden showers.
Yet they still loved each other. They wanted to stay together, and they didn’t want to cheat on each other. They just wanted to “Make Sex Great Again” (because the scary Clown-in-Chief shouldn’t be the only one screwing us).
Sounds like a plan. But the best-laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned.
The fact is that many marriages that start with great sex drift off into the vast erotic wastelands of mediocrity or no sex at all.
To complicate the problem, Charlie and Phoebe wanted very different things. Phoebe wanted Charlie to be more sensitive to her needs, not just his needs. Charlie wanted Phoebe to be more aggressive in bed, to initiate sex, as he was tired of always being the one to make things happen. This discrepancy in their desires made them feel like they were growing apart, which sexually estranged them even more.
They were, without doubt, in a rut.
As outlined in the 12 Steps to Releasing Your Inner Bonobo, their first step was to “see the bonobos,” which they did on film, learning that bonobo males are very sensitive, and bonobo females are quite aggressive.
Step Two is “Be a Bonobo,” so Charlie and Phoebe “medibated,” combining guided masturbation with meditation on “being bonobo,” wild, free and in tune with your sexual desires.
Step Three: Phoebe and Charlie “Go Bonobos in Bed” at the Institute (yes, you can do that!).
We asked them if they’d like for our cameraman to film them having sex. At first, they were camera-shy, especially Phoebe. Learning from his bonobo male cousins, Charlie expressed sensitivity to Phoebe’s concerns about their privacy and anonymity; they were parents, after all, and Phoebe was a high school teacher.
I suggested they wear masks to cover up their faces, to which Phoebe said “yes!” (rather aggressively), and on they went.
That which conceals also reveals.
The masks heightened the arousing mystery that Charlie and Phoebe had lost with so much familial familiarity, as well as making them feel safer by disguising their identities. The combination was electrifying.
Inspired by the Bonobo Way, they really did “Make Sex Great Again” for one special rut-shattering night, and many more thereafter, satisfying both their seemingly disparate desires.
That night, the Bonobo Way turned a key in their sexual ignition, and it stayed turned on for months (with occasional BLT refresher sessions), as Charlie developed a bonoboësque sensitivity to Phoebe’s needs, and Phoebe found the courage to initiate sex and be more assertive in bed… especially about her needs. Now they’re happier, the kids are happier, and they’ve lost 25 pounds (between the two of them).
Plus they have a new hobby: Filming themselves having sex. Next step: Porn stars! Hey, it’s happening all over the world, as Adultcon lovers can attest, with couples, singles, the LGBTQ community, poly people, BDSM practitioners and more—a veritable rainbow of all kinds of people—embracing and expressing their sexuality, opening up to love, to women being freer to be sexually assertive and to men being freer to express their more sensitive side, without fear of shame or (nonconsensual) humiliation for either.
The Trumpocalypse is just a backlash to this movement. It is a deadly backlash, to be sure, and it could destroy us all with “fire and fury.” Nevertheless, it is important to our collective mental and sexual health to recognize that most of us are opening up to sexual freedom, female empowerment, inclusivity, ecology and peace… through pleasure. The Bonobo Way provides the paradigm, showing us the way: El Camino del Bonobo, the Bonobo Tao, and the Bonobo Sutra of Great Sex. It is up to us to follow that paradigm, sharing their message of peace through pleasure, female empowerment and sexual freedom with the world, and putting it into practice in our real lives.
Bonobo Way Book-Spankings
Be well-read or get, well… red.
Adultcon had declared hand-spankings to be verboten (there were a legal dictionary’s worth of “lewd acts” that would not be tolerated, according to our contract).
To save time and my voice, and also because it felt right, I shouted out the 12 Steps to Releasing Your Inner Bonobo as I spanked Daniele. who grasped the hands of her fellow Bonoboville Players for moral support.
Check out the other 11 here; follow them, and I guarantee you will have Great Sex, or at least, better sex than you’re currently having.
As always, I ended with the most important, 12th Step which is to Save the Bonobos. Yes indeed.
Photos: Jux Lii
Save the Bonobos
With all the natural and unnatural disasters, political embarrassments, sex-positive causes and other endangered species clamoring for our support and attention, why should we help the bonobos?
Because I said so!
And also because their endangerment is dire, though not impossible to stop. It’s not complicated like Global Warming. Bonobos are being poached into extinction as bushmeat in the African rainforest.
So, if we can stop the hunters from hunting them, we can save the bonobos.
I encourage you—Adultcon lovers, porn stars, porn fans or just sex-positive people—to donate what you can to these organizations, because if we let bonobos go extinct, then we lose our living Great Ape Paradigm for Great Sex… forever.
So, with our Climate Change-Denying Orange Plumed Baboon and his whole Baboon Family (with apologies to real baboons who aren’t as cool as bonobos, but are nowhere near as utterly vile as the Trumps) in the White House, virtually demolishing the Environmental Protection Agency, backing out of the Paris Accords and refusing to acknowledge Global Warming, even in the midst of some of the worst hurricanes in American history, we need to step up to protect our environment in many ways
For those of us with an interest in Great Sex, saving our bonobo cousins is essential.
If this sounds like just one more worthy cause beyond your charitable limit, consider that the bonobos are the masters and mistresses of sharing and reciprocity.
What I mean is: Help to save the bonobos, and they will reciprocate by helping us to save ourselves… and showing us the way to Great Sex!
See, just thinking about it is making you feel sexier already…
After a few more book-spankings and book-signings and posing exhibitionistically in front of Adultcon wallpaper, some Bonobovillians and I took a few minutes to roam around the grounds.
Since it wasn’t heavily attended, every vendor was very happy to see us.
PHOTOS 1-6: GLENN FRANCIS. PHOTO 7: JUX LII
We schmoozed with the more awesome-than-ever Riley Reyes who tweeted a few weeks ago:
Just finished reading The Bonobo Way and I am feeling so inspired!!! Thanks, Dr. Suzy and Bonoboville, for blowing my mind
Riley certainly blew our mind on the stripper pole at Adultcon.
With pasties and a g-string that perfectly matched her skin tone, it looked like she was naked.
Her elf ears lent a hint of mischief to her mystical beauty. When she said she was hungry, we gave her a banana, of course, just to watch her eat it. Yum!
Riley Reyes, Bonobo Way lover, is a sapiosexual dream-cum-true.
We invited a bunch of starlets and camgirls to be on the show.
Nobody said no, but then, starlets and camgirls never say no. That’s part of their charm… and challenge.
Suddenly, we found ourselves enveloped in the source of our sound problem.
The Adultcon disco housed more people than the rest of the entire convention floor.
After all, I may have provided some eye candy in my talk, but this was visual sugar shock.
Be*live, Daniele and I gawked like tourists as scantily-clad dancers shinnied up poles and swung, bonobo-style, above our heads.
People threw money at the dancers like in a real strip club. Except unlike real strip clubs, nobody was drunk, so the tips weren’t very high. Nevertheless one gal made an adorable little skirt of her dollar bill donations, catching even more tributes for her cleverness.
The strangest booth was “JC’s Girls.” Porn Stars for Jesus? It was hard to say what they were, but then again, Jesus loves the sex workers. One of JC’s Girls kept asking me if I had any “pain” she could cure, but honestly, I was feeling no pain, and I didn’t want her to create any in her well-intentioned efforts to “heal” me.
But I enjoyed their extreme pinkness, and I appreciate the cute pink mirror they gave me that says “You are precious in His sight.”
I like the hint of sacred voyeur/exhibitionism, and it’s a lot more than televangelist J. Osteen gave his displaced fellow Houstonians in the wake of Hurricane Harvey, as reported on by one of our favorite Dr. Susan Block Institute therapists, Mistress Jennifer.
Asian Vegan Food Porn & Great Sex
At this point, my feet needed a break from high heels, and my stomach needed filling, despite my punishingly tight latex dress. So, I kicked off my heels (losing about five inches; how’s the weather up there?), and off we went with one of our favorite couples in the world, Chef Be*Live and Daniele Watts, to Âu Lạc, a lovely vegan Vietnamese restaurant with charming hospitality and delicious food, even for omnivores like me and Capt’n Max.
One of the reasons for the charming hospitality may have been that the owner, Mai Nguyen (an amazing woman who cured herself of tumors with a plant-based diet), the head chef (who, like Teller of Penn & Teller, never speaks), and much of the staff and patrons love and admire Chef Be*Live, one of the great pioneers of raw food cuisine in LA.
We love and admire him too, but these guys were literally doing handstands for him—or whatever you call that crazy yoga thing where you balance your body on your hands with your legs up in the air—right in the restaurant.
And what a pleasure to hang out with Daniele, who acted very daughterly, talked about enhancing their marital commitments to each other in the midst of ongoing adventures in bonoboësque pansexuality, and wished me a “Shana Tova”—Happy Jewish New Year from my Seventh Day Adventists child.
‘Twas an Autumn Equinox to savor.
And did I mention the food?
A succession of totally different types of “tastegasms” (orgasms for the tastebuds) ensued.
Unlike so many tastegasms, these were guilt-free, being “completely plant-based and vegan.” Beautifully presented too. Asian Vegan Food Porn!
As we staggered out of the place, heavy with deliciousness, a seemingly crazed woman stopped us as if we were old friends. She didn’t appear to be a porn fan or porn star (though many of them are vegan), but she was a big fan of the show. Either that or she was comfortable accosting anyone she recognizes from TV in restaurants. Anyway, she was delightful—all my fans are delightful (well, most of them!)—and so was her husband who owns the San Fernando Jack of All Spades bar in Glendale, which I fully intend to belly up to someday.
After dinner, and approximately 11 hours after I wiggled myself into it, I peeled off my fabulous Mademoiselle Ilo latex dress that had received a never-ending river of compliments from men and women alike.
Are you into latex? Get yourself an Ilo original, and you can’t go wrong. Though you can definitely go too long in any latex outfit, and I certainly did.
Red rivers of irritation ran through my skin, and no, I didn’t take a selfie of that. It was too gross, and I’m not that selfie-addicted… yet. So I slathered my suffering midsection in Neosporin, then fell into bed with Max who was already asleep.
Two exhausted dotards in love.
By morning, my latex wounds had healed and I was feeling as horny as a bonobo. Max was up for going bonobos too. I don’t know if it was the pole-dancing visuals, the fans’ enthusiasm (some traveled impressively far to see us), the Trinity Gold joint Max bought legally(?) from Humboldt Solutions at Adultcon, Âu Lạc’s vegan “Ecstasy” dessert, or licking totally non-vegan crème pie off of Daniele’s sploshed chest, but we practiced what we’d preached the day before… and had ourselves some Great Sex!
So did Daniele and Be*Live. Daniele wrote to me this wonderful, exhilarating message just now:
We had an AMAZING time yesterday. and great anal sex breakthrough today!! Which was an emotional and spiritual breakthrough for my butthole. Also I gave BeLive the most fun blow job I’ve ever given, complete with giggles and deep throating this morning. And jesus christ, those porn stars deserve every salute in the world. They really are on the front lines. And such a profound inspiration now that I broke through and embraced how amazing porn is for the world.
In short, I had a pornographic breakthrough. I realized I kinda had a low key subconscious thing against porn until yesterday. Being there with you and our fellow Bonobos really showed me just how fun / funny / playful it can all be
We LOVE LOVE LOVE you and Captain Max
We LOVE LOVE LOVE you too, Daniele.
All the rest of you, too.
Save the bonobos. Resist the tyranny. Support the porn stars.
© Sept. 25, 2017. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.