St. Paddy’s Day, the Bonobo Way, with GasMaskGirl
Length 01:41:25 Date: March 17, 2018
Erin Go Bragh! And bragh-less. It’s St. Paddy’s Day, the Bonobo Way, and those naughty lassies or lads who are not wearing green get pinched, stripped, tied up, made to wear gas masks and spanked by lusty leprechauns and sexy Mistresses. With Irish green Agwa, we toast Stormy Daniels for tackling the Trumpus, and Emma Gonzales for chasing the NRA out of American schools like St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Pop question: Why do folks wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? Answer: The Irish believed wearing green acted as camouflage while they traipsed through the verdant forests of the Emerald Isle, making them invisible to leprechauns who, though magical, are kind of nasty. Like mini-Trump pussy-grabbers, they sneak up and nonconsensually pinch anyone they can see; that is, anyone not wearing green.
POTOHOTO 1: MARIO. PHOTO 2: SELFIE. PHOTO 3: SLICK RICK
Whether that’s fake news or a Celtic myth, it provides a great excuse to have a lot of fun in Bonoboville.
Honoring Emma Gonzales for Women’s History Month
Supposedly Patrick was a celibate “saint,” though I don’t know if anyone saw his shillelagh (being Irish, if you go by stereotypes, it couldn’t have been gigantic), but it’s pretty certain he was a man. However, it’s still Women’s History Month, so we veer off of St. Pat and his snake for a moment to toast a rather young woman who, though she may or may not know bonobos from bananas, is inspiring much of America in the peace-loving direction of the Bonobo Way.
Emma Gonzales is one of the leading student survivor activists of the Marjorie Stoneman Douglas high school Valentine’s Day Massacre in Parkland, Florida. These “kids you read about in textbooks” are standing up to the NRA, and for American children and teenagers’ right to get an education in a public school that is not a prison or a war zone. Already, they’re getting things done that we, “the adults,” couldn’t or at least didn’t accomplish without them, such as Florida governor Rick Scott signing a sweeping gun safety bill that raised the age for all gun purchases from 18-21, created a three-day waiting period for most firearm purchases and banned bump stocks. Given the NRA’s stronghold on “The Gunshine State,” this is nothing short of amazing. Beyond that, major American corporations, such as Hertz, Delta and United Airlines, have cut ties with the NRA, thanks to students and their supporters rising up against gun violence throughout this bullet-riddled land.
Still, American gun deaths continue to mount. On the day of this show, there was a gun-killing just a few miles away at the sleepy, suburban Thousand Oaks Mall when a middle-aged man fatally shot his ex-wife as she worked in a stationery store.
“Politicians who sit in their gilded House and Senate seats funded by the NRA telling us nothing could have ever been done to prevent this, we call BS,” Emma Gonzales said in her speech at a gun control rally. “They say that tougher gun laws do not decrease gun violence. We call BS. They say a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun. We call BS. They say guns are just tools like knives and are as dangerous as cars. We call BS. They say that no laws could have been able to prevent the hundreds of senseless tragedies that have occurred. We call BS.”
Go, Emma, go! In a case of the personal being very political, 18-year-old Emma even got Republican pro-NRA Congressional candidate Leslie Gibson to drop out of the race and apologize to her for his infantile, ad hominem attack, calling this brave young survivor a “skinhead lesbian” with nothing to say. That’s called taking your elders to school.
This coming Saturday, March 24th, Emma and the other students will conduct a March for Our Lives on Trump and Washington lawmakers, all whom are in bed with the world’s biggest terrorist organization, the NRA, and the “ammosexuals” whose gun fetish makes America’s murder rate the highest in the developed world. Go students! Some of them aren’t old enough to watch DrSuzy.Tv, but we in Bonoboville support them 200%.
Let Stormy Speak!
Last week, we honored porn star, director and mom, Stormy Daniels, for displaying courage in her fight against the Trumpus over the right to tell her truth about their relationship. Turns out this story has legs—and boobs!—and it’s not going away.
We continue to use an Adult Warehouse Outlet blow-up doll to represent Stormy and a Trump-masked penis pillow with a big green bow tie as the Cheeto-in-Chief. In our continuing “Stormy Watch,” we note that Trump’s new anti-Stormy attorney is Charles Harder (sounds like he’s the porn star), best known for representing Hulk Hogan in his lawsuit against Gawker, which resulted in its bankruptcy, a case that was bankrolled by billionaire Paypal founder and Facebook board member Peter Thiel.
Trump’s lawyers obtained a restraining order against Stormy’s telling her story, and they are now suing her for $20 million for breaking an agreement that Trump claims to know nothing about (the signature on the agreement is one not-so-mysterious “David Dennison”). They’re also trying to move the case to federal court. Having tried a case in pro per myself in federal court, I happen to know from personal experience that these cases are a lot less open to the public than other courts, which is precisely Trump’s motivation for moving his Stormy case there. Though a lot of good it does “David Dennison” to keep it “secret” when many of the details are already spilling all over the Internet like splooge from a leaky condom.
“The fact that a sitting president is pursuing over $20M in bogus ‘damages’ against a private citizen, who is only trying to tell the public what really happened, is remarkable. Likely unprecedented in our history,” says Stormy’s sexy, fast-talking lawyer Michael Avenatti. “We are NOT going away and we will NOT be intimidated.”
If I were Trump’s sex therapist (and if I was, I couldn’t tell you), I’d advise him to come clean (or as clean as that Orange Mop of Dirt can come) and admit he “made a mistake.” His diehard fans will not love him any less for it, and his diehard enemies could not hate him anymore. It was consensual sex, so what’s the big deal? The big deal isn’t the sex—though that’s what keeps the public interested in the case—but the cover-up, the hush-money paid just prior to the election and the “obstruction of justice” and truth.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Even if I were Trump’s sex therapist, he probably wouldn’t take my advice any more than anyone else’s. And so, he lumbers on into a very Stormy situation which could become almost as big and painful an invasion into Trumplandia’s Orange Anus as the Mueller probe. Maybe bigger.
Der Trumpkopf actually makes his senior staffers sign NDAs that lasts beyond his presidency, holding them to a hush-or-else penalty of $10 million if they talk, but nobody really knows if they’re enforceable.
Stormy & the Students: Heroes of Our Time
So, these are the heroes of our times: a barely organized bunch of teenagers and a porn star. On the surface, these two human entities seem to have very little in common, but they are both succeeding in taking down the Trumpus (at least a peg or two) where many others have failed.
Why? Both the Parkland students and Stormy Daniels are not coopted by the hypocrisy of the system. In short, they are shameless and blameless. Trump trumps politicians and other mainstream adults by shifting the blame and casting shame on them, often through Twitter, but how do you shame the shameless or blame the blameless?
The students have no shame because they are young, and though they are astonishingly smart, they hold virtually no social or political responsibilities, as our society sees it. Therefore, they have nothing to feel ashamed of, and they certainly aren’t to blame for social problems like gun violence. They’ve also just lived through an extremely traumatic experience, and their intense shock (though they’d gone through many shooting drills, there’s nothing like the real thing) and justifiable outrage is simply trumping what little personal shame they might harbor. Some of them happen to be theater students so, grievous as all of this is, they are relishing their moments in the spotlight and happy to get into the kitchen and take the heat.
As for Stormy, well, porn stars learn early on that they’d better have thick skins if they’re going to survive in the adult industry. Thus, you can’t really slut-shame a good, experienced porn star. She’s been there and done that, with a double-anal.
Stormy certainly is a good, successful porn star, as well as an award-winning director. You could even say she’s a role model to young ladies going into the adult industry—letting them know that it’s tough, and you’ll be called every name in the book, but if you’ve got what it takes, you can succeed, just like in any other Hollywood-ish career. She’s also got “the look,” the golden-haired, tall, slim, long-legged, big-breasted, “all-American” Aryan splendor that spellbound the Donald on that golf course in Lake Tahoe—the same “look” as his favorite beauty pageant contestants and his own sweet, surgically-enhanced daughter Ivanka. But it’s Stormy’s shameless, blameless attitude that really spells the difference between blondes.
Call Ivanka a “slut,” and you’re sure to make her cringe and maybe even try to sue you for defamation. Call Stormy a “slut,” and she exults that she’s succeeded at her calling. Then her liberated, bonoboesque mind comes up with a playful retort that grinds your arrogance into abject embarassment and often even makes you delete your stupid, slut-shaming tweet.
Which brings me to something else that Stormy and the students have in common. They are both masters of modern media, and they can beat Adolf Twittler at his own game. The students were born into the World Wide Web and suckled on social media; they know how to use it like riding a bicycle and their speeches and interviews “go viral” regularly.
Stormy sticks to Twitter, and it’s there that she shows her ability to smackdown all comers and wankers, whether for their stupidity, sex-negativity or bad grammar. Porn stars like Stormy love Twitter, where censorship is lax compared to Facebook and Instagram, and they know it like they know how to put on mascara or give an award-winning blow-job. So, Lord Emperor Nit-Twit has met his match.
Thus, in these trying times on the edge of the gun-mad Trumpocalypse of my own benighted generation’s making, I put my hopes in the youth of America and in the porn stars that shine above.
With the show underway, I introduce my assistants Phoenix Dawn, looking like an Irish fairy princess in an emerald tutu, and Mia Amore, sultry in a sparkling jade top and my jingly lime belly dancing skirt.
PHOTO 1: RICK SLICK. PHOTO 2: TS BOZEMAN. PHOTOS 3 & 4: JUX LII
Then I welcome my delightful guests on this eco-green St. Paddy’s Day night in Bonoboville. First around the Womb Room is Shawn Goth, Pure Romance consultant and cannabis advocate, looking sweet in a pleated skirt and sea foam sweater. When I ask Shawn what she recommends for “romance” on St. Paddy’s night, she talks about the difference between dildos and vibrators. I’d meant romance between two humans, but in these times of increasing alienation, it’s not surprising that a “romance consultant” would be working to create romance between a girl and her sex toy, or maybe a couple and their battery-operated “third.”
PHOTOS 1-3: JUX LII. PHOTO 4: SLICK RICK
As Shawn sees it, dominant people prefer dildos, being more easily controlled by the dildo user, and submissive or passive folks generally like vibrators, which tend to control the user with their strong vibrations. Makes sense, in a way, though lots of people like both.
Next to Shawn is Metaphysical, an affable, cosmic rapper in a bright Kelly green pull-over; no leprechaun’s going to pinch this guy.
PHOTOS; JUX LII
It also gives him a “cheerleader” look as he cheers on the action. His ode to cannabis, “Hempster Riddle,” and “32 Degrees in the Desert,” a meditative metaphor for the struggles of love, aren’t exactly Irish limericks, but they do get the Womb Room up and dancing, as well as doing other kinky stuff…
With Gasmaskgirls, it’s a Gas, Gas, Gas!
On the other side of the Womb Room are the sexy, kinky, giggly and naughty GasMaskGirls.
PHOTOS 1-4: JUX LII. PHOTOS 2 & 3: SLICK RICK
We just love GasMaskGirl ever since their first visit to Bonoboville and their second. The girls themselves have been different every time, and so are the guys, for that matter. This time, Mario accompanies the ladies, instead of Manny. They’re also down from three or four actual gas masks to just one. But on this show, the ladies themselves, Mistress Mariposa, the dominant one, and Latina Lattisia of Tijuana, the submissive one, are the liveliest and most fun GasMaskGirls yet.
Deliberately not wearing green on St. Paddy’s Day, knowing they will get pinched (and much more!), luscious Mariposa and Lattisia are decked out in teeny pink and orange bikinis and transparent vinyl raincoats.
Mariposa mostly dominates Lattisia who loves showing off her curvy body in a hot pink teddy that’s really just a ribbon that barely wraps her up and certainly doesn’t cover her shaved vulva. Though occasionally, Ms. M licks Letti’s bare toes. Foot play, butt play, it’s all fair play between this kinky twosome.
Renee, their den mother/manager, mostly just sits and smiles. When we ask, she dons the gas mask, though you can tell she prefers not to. It’s hot and rubbery in there!
Which is why Lattisia only wears the gas mask when Mariposa makes her wear it.
These gas masks are a reminder that we, under Trump, his gutted EPA and the greedy corporatocracy, are now in the process of killing off all that is good, green and keeping us breathing easily on this Earth.
If the guns don’t get us, the gases will…
So the Gasmaskgirls are here to remind us of humanity’s imminent oxygen-depleted doom, as well as, ironically, distract us from with their rubbery lucky charms and jiggling curves.
St. Paddy’s Communion with Agwa
The St. Patrick’s Day practice of heartily imbibing adult beverages goes back to the old saint himself who is said to have liked “the hard stuff.” Not only did he convert the pagan Irish to Christianity; he also converted a stingy innkeeper into being a generous one who filled his patrons’ cups to overflowing.
Alcohol, like marijuana, is one of the few genuine aphrodisiacs. Not that sex was on the celibate St. Patrick’s mind, but drinking or smoking may make you want to have sex with someone you might not even like while sober. These are powerful, libido-altering substances.
So, smoke and drink up, and sláinte! Though try not to mistake the leprechauns of liquor or cannabis for the angels of true love. And please do not imbibe and drive…
We certainly smoke and drink up on this merry St. Paddy’s Day in Bonoboville with the Gasmaskgirl Communion and Waterboarding, the Bonobo Way. When Lattisia takes Communion, Mariposa requires that she get down on her knees and beg for it.
Each of the girls “gets lei’ed” with an Irish green lei, which doesn’t make them immune from pinching leprechauns, but looks especially festive with their transparent raincoats.
When I ask for volunteers to be a true GasMaskGirl Altar Girl (that is, wearing a gasmask), Mia steps up to the bed, gamely dons the heavy purple rubber mask and drops her glitter green top for Mistress Mariposa to take Communion.
PHOTO 1: TS Bozeman. PHOTOS 2-5: JUX LII
Anybody with a Gas Mask fetish is creaming their rubber panties at this point.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
Phoenix takes it a step further—and a few degrees hotter—putting on the gas mask, and letting Madame Butterfly tie her up with bright pink rope and handcuff her while I wrestle (or was last week?) with her corset.
Wow, there’s something alien-like about a gasmaskgirl in a green tutu.
At this point, Lattisia is wearing a gag. She appears to enjoy playing “horsey” and this is her bit.
In the midst of this enchanted madness, everybody dances as Ikkor the Wolf hiphops through “She Bad,” first in his Green Cross shirt, then baring his jade Fruit of the Looms for all the beefcake lovers out there.
PHOTOS: JUX LII
The GasMaskGirls are certainly good at being bad, sexy, fun-loving sprites—and very pinchable!
Stephen Hawking, Strippers and Max
Speaking of fun girls, we say farewell to the great Stephen Hawking who passed into the next dimension this week. What do fun girls and physics have in common? Quite a lot actually, and according to several reports, Stephen Hawking really liked going to strip clubs which, when you think about it, is the perfect erotic venue for a guy who can’t move.
There are many reasons this great man above men is being eulogized, and many have spoken about his known accomplishments in physics and cosmology far better than I could. I just want to add that Stephen Hawking was the coolest, not just for being the first scientist to set out a theory of cosmology explained by a union of the general theory of relativity and quantum mechanics, but also because he liked and, more important, admitted to liking strippers.
And so, we wind up the show but keep the green going and the adult libations flowing St. Paddy’s-style at the Speakeasy bar.
Then it’s time to say, “Tá grá agam duit,” and fall into the arms of my lucky charm, Capt’n Max.
Thanks to Our Volunteers: Videographers-Jeff Lopez, Gideon Grayson; Photographers – Slick Rick, Ty Bozeman, Jux Lii; On-Campus Bonobos – Phoenix Dawn, Miss Mia Amore, Abe Perez, Camille Rosebud, Mita Altair, Harry Sapien, Gideon Grayson, MarsFX, Clemmy Cockatoo, Ana & Miguel.
© March 17, ,2018. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.