Pre-Masturbation Month MUSE
Length 1:35:13 Date: April 25, 2015
by Dr. Susan Block
It’s the pre-game party show to Masturbation Month on DrSuzy.Tv, and we’ve got a muse named Muse cheering us onto the field of play. Go! Cum! Go! Onyx Muse, in nothing but thigh-high athletic socks, a skimpy thong and a flouncy cheerleading skirt (that she strips off to reveal her adorable, dimpled, bouncy booty), will certainly inspire loads of Sperm Warriors and scores of football teams towards touchdowns and touchbacks… or, at least, paint their ceilings in halftime. Yes, indeed we are getting set for Masturbation Month, Brothers & Sisters. Give me a W! Give me an A! Stroke me an N! Diddle me a K!
Experience helps in any role-play, and Onyx was a real cheerleader in high school. Doing all those squats and splits helps her to keep that booty bouncy, as she demonstrates to the voyeuristic delight of the fans in the stands. She also shares intimate tales of her experiences with self-pleasure—from first to most recent—as as well as her virgin partner sex with, of course, a football player whom she seduced—sweet dominant little vixen that she is.
After last Saturday’s powerful sapiosexual braingasm with brilliant journalist Abby Martin, it’s fun to take a break from analyzing society’s woes and just get physical with our Muse of Pleasure. Bonoboville Communion with Agwa Coca Leaf Liqueur brings out the boobies. Onyx’s are lovely and, I might add, delicious with pinch of salt and a bite of nipple. Those nice, toned buns are also quite delectable, not to mention spankable, which leads to book spankings with The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure. That’s one way to hit ‘em with your message…
“Masturbation is natural” is one of the messages of Masturbation Month, having been so declared by my mentor Dr. Betty Dodson along with Good Vibrations, over 20 years ago, in honor of former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who in answer to a question at the end of a United Nations speech, was bold and wise enough to suggest that public school sex education programs teach that masturbation is a safe sex option and a natural, normal part of human sexuality. Instead of being applauded, she was fired by none other than sax-tootin,’ I-did-not-have-sex-with-that-woman President Bill Clinton. Oh Bill, if only you’d listened to Dr. Elders and just masturbated instead of spilling your presidential seed all over that blue dress… See, this is why everyone—even the President—needs Masturbation Education. And this is why we need Masturbation Month. Onyx expresses her support for the President by voraciously sucking the rather large head of my Bill Clinton dildo (another Presidential dickhead). What an awesome intern this Muse would make!
We also get a pair of foot fetish calls, inspiring Onyx to remove her sock, showing off her adorable sparkly toenails. For those who prefer more womanly tootsies, I peel off my stocking to uncover my own purple-and-turquoise-polished peds. Playing footsie, we help the callers with their respective foot-fetish-related issues regarding an accommodating (but unenthusiastic) girlfriend, a bossy older sister and a sexy step-mom. Listen to or watch this show to find out how we do!
Our third caller is our dear Dr. Mars who manages to twist this show’s podophilic sub-theme by announcing that he sprained his ankle (!), perhaps while he was trying out the stripper pole that he recently purchased for Bonoboville as our 23rd anni prezzie. Woohoo! Thank you, Dr. Mars! Sorry about your ankle, but we’re uber-excited about your… um… pole. Can’t wait to see all the lovelies spinning around, sliding up and down, up and down…. Whoa! It sounds like Masturbation Month is already underway…
Back to Onyx the Muse. In Greek mythology, a “muse” is a goddess of creativity who inspires artists, poets and scientists to go beyond their perceived limits. This seems to be the sort of sexy “spell” that our Lil Muse has put Stripperella artist Anthony Winn under since they met at the Bonobo Spring Bacchanalia. Not only has Anthony penned several “inspired” illustrations of her (including one in her cheerleading outfit on this show), but thanks to his efforts, she’ll be headlining at his favorite Bay Area stomping grounds, the Crazy Horse, July 16-18, where she will perform “Piano Feet” and other crowd-pleasing numbers. Even more exciting for Bonoboville, the Artist & His Muse will soon create a series of erotic art pieces for an exhibit in our new Bonoboville Gallery.
Muses are sometimes considered nymphs, and we give a shout-out to Lisa Ann Davis and the Nymphs of Zorbacchus, muses who inspired Col. Jirayr Zorthian, an Armenian genocide survivor, fellow Yalie (Class of 1926) and star of my old film, Zorthian: Art & Times. NEWS FLASH: We just learned that “Zorthian: Art & Times” will be shown at the Primavera this coming Saturday, May 2 at the Zorthian Ranch!
Sadly, we also shout-out the country of Nepal (where I spent two very special months of my youth), which is now suffering through the devastating effects of a calamitous earthquake. Thanks Chris G and Rose Izzo for alerting us to this tragic situation. Lover Earth is moody and not always kind to us. Yet, the way the Nepalese people are helping each other, neighbor to neighbor, is bonoboësque and inspiring, reminding me of why I love this little country so much. Please donate what you can to these organizations helping with the Nepal relief effort.
We give another, more cheerful shout-out to SerenaGaia whose sumptuous and significant collection of essays, Ecosexuality: When Nature Inspires the Arts of Love will be released in May… And our beloved associate producer KB Havok who actually introduced us to Onyx at the Polly Superstar show.
Building our pre-game fervor to a fevered pitch, this pre-Masturbation Month show climaxes with a ride-‘em-cowgirl, moaning, shrieking, vibrating three-way: Onyx riding the Sybian, Chelsea Raw on the Mad-X-Bike and me on the Hitachi. Yee-ha! We are galloping into the M Month with shameless pleasure and a sense of adventure, and we hope you are too.
Give yourself a hand!
© April 27, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.