Our Jack n Jill-Off Jam, playing tonight on RadioSuzy1TV for your listening and viewing pleasure, is a Three-Ring Circus of Wanking and Spanking, Flirting and Squirting, a Celebration of Masturbation in a cavalcade of permutations, featuring spontaneous sex acts, solo sex madness, wandering minstrels playing mellifluous haunting music, and eloquent masked nude theater. Watch it now.

ClownPorns Daisy Layne and the Awomen Choir help me to welcome the Masturbation Congregation. — Photo: Nancy

With all the Speakeasy sex furniture, beds, couches and a bondage cross in the bar, there are actually a lot more than three rings to this circus. The festivities commence in the center ring, the Womb Room, under the Big Top of my Broadcast Bed, where I welcome my passionate teeming Masturbation Congregation, surrounded by a bevy of sexy choir girls playing with my fantastic Finger Vibes, Pyrexions Glass Toys, Hitachi Magic Wand, Pocket Rockets, Power Packs, Two Fingers & a Thumb G-Spot Vibrators and funky fun Vibrating Massage Gloves (that turn the wearer into the life of any party), as well as an assortment of finger-fitting pulsating paraphernalia, as we get ready to pull out all the stops in celebration of the Season of Self-Love.

Sinnamon Love is our Kick-Off Jill Off Girl. — Photo: Eban Lehrer

With everyone buzzing with pleasure and anticipation, I welcome my Kick-Off Jill-Off girl of the evening, the ever-lovely Sinnamon Love, pulling her dress down to reveal her beautiful bounteous cinnamon-toned breasts, then pulling it up to show off her pantyless pussy, as her legs spread wide for a deliciously nasty Pocket-Rocket-to-the-Moon orgasm. Praise be to the power and glory of Mmmmasturbation!

With Clown Porn Newlyweds Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne, plus Sinnamon Love. — Photo: Michael Gross

Then in bound the Clown Porn Newlyweds Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne, fresh from their rubber chicken honeymoon. Daisy soon strips down to nothing but her clownface and silly socks, then jills off on the Monkey Rocker as Dick jacks off all over her pert boobies and tight tum-tum.

Dick Chibbles joins his ClownPorn Bride as she jills off on the Monkey Rocker. — Photo: Tom Zimmerman

In the midst of all the masturbation madness, we take a call from a darling young couple, Lyla and Ethan, so eager to incorporate masturbation into their sex play that they get started right on the air with us! Next on the bed is the imperious, exquisitely corseted Goddess Sativa who spanks her naughty, writhing Catholic school slave girl rachel ravage, then commands her to suck my Jesus Jackhammer dildo and put her legs up behind her ears, masturbating before the Speakeasy Congregation, as her slaveboy chris licks her boots. Whew!

Goddess Sativa commands her slave girl rachel ravage to masturbate with the Hitachi Magic Wand. — Photo: Melo Girls

Next up is adorable singer/songwriter/guitarist Katie Jean Arnold who sings a special song she wrote just for our night of Masturbation Celebration:

Forbidden!
sorry lately I have been keeping to myself
I havent been a good player on this team
just always been easier keeping to myself
but you still mean everything
baby look into my eyes dont hide
baby tell me the truth
baby look into my eyes dont hide
is this where you wanna be?
I am always gonna wann go salsa dance
I want you to dance with me
and May is masturbation month
stay here and masturbate with me …
chorus
Now everything is changing we struggle with time for ourselves but I want us to survive
Everything changing dont know what to do with myself
but I want you by my side
Baby look into my eyes dont hide
Baby tell me the truth
Baby look into my eyes dont hide
Is this where you want to be?
Because this is where I wanna be

And this is where we want Katie Jean to be, with her beautiful sweet song in our hearts. Katie continues to strum her instrument, as my other guests continue to strum their genital guitars. And the beat goes on…

Katie Jean sings “Forbidden.” — Photo: Nancy

Next on the Bed are some folks from the cast of XXXtra XXXtra, featuring hot hard-bodied porn newcomer Rachael Roxxx who strips down to reveal every smooth tanned inch of her nude pulchritude, then celebrates the MMM Month with the help of her favorite personal vibe, MGV (“My Good Vibrator”) for a resounding MMMasturbatory climax.

Singer/Songwriter Katie Jean joins Rachael Roxxx and James Bartholet of XXXtra XXXtra on my Bed. — Photo: Melo

James Bartholet (who was last on my show when I was on KFOX radio, so you know he’s no newcomer!), also of the XXXtra XXXtra cast, and director Jennifer James, join the fun, along with sleek blonde newer-than-newcomer Eden de Garden who jills off as Dick jacks. Later, I let my snake Evie play in the Garden of Eden de Garden.

Rachael Roxxx

Actually, Eden gets a “hand” from the Melo Girls, Teri, Ashleigh and Alex (especially Alex), who squeeze into my busy bed to chat about the MMM month and help the porn stars jill. The show climaxes with a sparkling female ejaculation orgasm by our favorite squirting MILF Tai Ellis (star of Getting Rid of Bush and Wet Bar), showering the Melo Girls in Holy Water. Praise the Lady!

Tai Ellis Jills Off a Sparkling Sprinkle of Holy Water. — Photo: Tom Zimmerman

Then Kat, looking more like a naughty schoolgirl than her usual exotic bellydancer, leaps into my arms; the next thing I know, my lipstick is all over her pretty mischievous face.

Kat Kiss. — Photo: Tom Zimmerman

Now the After-Party swings into action, and there is quite a bit of commedia erotic action on the Speakeasy Gallery stage featuring Queen Bee and Double-Down, two lithe young ladies, stark naked except for one pair of panties between them and two very special paper maché masks that I made many moons ago when I was a recent Yale grad, performing with two masked theater troupes, New England Commedia and La Mer Mime & Mask Theater.

Masquerade. — Photo: Missy Nix

The first mask is: “Lucy,” a sexy witch with big red lips, long black eyelashes and a large crooked nose that makes her ripple between beauty and ugliness, pathos and comedy. The second is “Columbine.” No, not the Colorado high school shot up by messed up students high on anti-depressants. This is Columbine the classic Commedia dell’Arte servant girl with the charm of a courtesan and the heart of a revolutionary. At our Jack ‘n’ Jill-Off Commedia Erotica, Lucy (Double-Down) and Columbine (Queen Bee) dance a wild nude pantomime strap-on scene on the bed in our art gallery.

Lucy Does Columbine. — Photo: William Mitchell

Queen Bee and Double-Down are part of Canaan Brumley‘s movie-within-a-movie within the Speakeasy called “Speakeasy.” But when they put on my masks, they enter my dream. They become Columbine and Lucy, my erotic alter-egos. After they dance, they play out their raging fantasies on my grandmother’s 1926 Steinway baby grand.

I fluff up Columbine (Queen Bee) and Lucy (Double-Down) as Award-Winning Film Director Canaan Brumley brings in the Nude Beer. — Photo: Nancy

And there’s more music, some of it truly virtuoso. My fellow Yalie Alma Cielo (’95), violinist extraordinaire, graces us with her exquisite improvisations, bringing the concept of “Diddlin’ n Fiddlin’” to new dizzying heights. Alma last played at the Speakeasy on Eros Day 2007, and before that with the Nymphs of Zorbacchus in tribute to Yale artist Jirayr H. Zorthian and is also featured on our film Zorthian: Art & Times. Is it strange to combine erotica and classical string music? Well, many mainstream TV shows mix sex and violence. We mix sex and violins.

Alma Cielo on Violin and Andrew van Baal on the Speakeasy Steinway. — Photo: Missy Nix

When I hear Alma’s music, I feel I’m being serenaded by angels playing from clouds nestled in the 24-foot rafters of the Speakeasy, compelling me to climb up onto the broad strong shoulders of another Yalie Michael Blum (also’95). Lust et Veritas! Boola-boola-la!

Acting the Fool with Fellow Yalies Michael Blum and Alma Cielo. — Photo: William Mitchell

Alma strides through the various rooms and halls of the Speakeasy playing her violin like a wandering minstrel strolling through Sodom and Gomorrah, or the Musician Laureate of a new Bonobo Planet of Ethical Hedonism. Then she joins Canaan’s cameraman/composer Andrew van Baal at granny’s Steinway. Alma fiddles as Andy fingers, tapping out his signature haunting melody for Canaan’s “Speakeasy” film, while my other guests jack and jill, spank and wank, dance and play in Felliniesque ecstasy. In fact, I’ve made up a new word for the mood the Speakeasy gets at moments like this: Felliniecstasy.

Daisy Nurtures Melo Girls Teri and Alex. — Photo: Missy Nix

Meanwhile, in the gallery, the Melo Girls move in on the ClownPorn Girl, kissing her Clown Face, fingering her shaved vulva and sucking her puffy pink nipples like kittens nursing on a sweet mama cat, as Barry Miller and I provide a little play-by-play for the play. Yes, these days, everybody has a radio show and everyone is a porn star.

Melodramatic Passion. — Photo: Melo

In the Womb Room, Lady Ayla whips her Danny Boy into a masturbatory orgasm that drips onto Sissy Maid’s tongue as Ahab gets into a masturbatory trance state, and various other guests give each other a hand, or a tongue or a penis. Speaking of schlongs, later on I find myself back on the broadcast bed, reclining between a sweet well-hung man named Logan with a penchant for Bourgundian beer and a lovely young lady named Ruby with a fetish for my Pyrexions vibe. Ruby plays with my vibe as Logan plays with his lingam, she jilling and he jacking off into Onanist heaven. As the night winds into day, I find my H and we sneak off into our private boudoir where together, we jill and jack, then hit the sack.

Rubys Pyrexions Passion. — Photo: William Mitchell

News Flash: A couple of my telephone sex therapists from the Dr. Susan Block Institute and I are going to be featured on a “Phone Sex” show on WE tv on Tuesday, May 29th at 10 AM (Eastern Time). So tune in! And if you need a little telephone sex therapy, call us at 213.749.1330. Anytime you need to talk, we’re just a phone call away. Yes, all your calls to us are absolutely private and confidential. And no, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours. And yes, of course, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions. And no, it doesn’t have to be the MMM Month…

Jack n Jill-Off Jam, …on the Dr Susan Block Show!

Which brings me back to our Jack ‘n’ Jill-Off Commedia Erotica. The moral of that story is: Celebrate Masturbation, Not Occupation! Use Pocket Rockets, Not Patriot Missiles! Shoot Films, Not People! Watch the Jack ‘n’ Jill-Off Jam tonight…