Paris, Yale & the Bonobo Way + the G-Spot of Peace through Pleasure
Length 1:35:48 Date: November 14, 2015
Hosting a live pro-sex variety show less than 24 hours after a horrific multiple mass murder in the City of Love is a little bizarre. But it’s a “healing” kind of bizarre, like pushing yourself to have sex when you’re under-the-weather, physically or emotionally. After you get into it, very often you feel better. And sometimes it even helps you to get better. This sexual healing part of what I call the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure.
Ruthless Cologne & Trump Lite
Sometimes you can’t rush the pleasure. You have to go slow and face the pain. So we begin, as all live talk shows this Friday the 13th weekend have begun, on a somber note, trying to process how and why several ISIS militants massacred at least 127 people in Paris as part of a series of simultaneous shootings and bombings, and what to do about it. Amidst the tears for the dead and the darkness fallen upon La Ville Lumière are many cries for military vengeance. French President Francois Hollande has declared the attacks to be “an act of war” and promised, “We will lead the fight, and we will be ruthless.”
Except that Donald Trump also wants to “lead the fight,” and since he bathes in “Ruthless” cologne daily, his presidential plan is to “bomb the shit out of ISIS.” Trying to trump Trump, Ben Carson bellows, “Destroy them!… Eliminate them before they eliminate us.”
But ISIS is “us,” a creation of the U.S. foreign policy on steroids that marked the bomb-crazy Bush-Cheney years which forcibly regime-changed Saddam and his Sunni Baath party to Shi’ite majority rule. But surprise, surprise, the bombed out, embittered, emboldened and now radicalized Ba’ath remnants didn’t just surrender and accept their loser status; they “went postal” locally and internationally, effecting a little regime change of their own, and now their crazy Caliphate fantasy is getting to be more real than most reality shows (which admittedly, isn’t saying much, but do watch for “Desperate Housewives of the Islamic State”). This is just fine by the heirs to the Bush-Cheney power camp since their stakes aren’t really in America as a country, but in the U.S. defense industry, the deep pockets of the Military-Industrial Complex. Win or lose, if bombs are dropping and guns are popping, they get paid.
The Democrats are also on the take from the huge Defense lobby, though not quite as much, so their responses to the Paris attacks are the utmost in vagueness. Bernie is “shocked” and “disgusted,” but won’t take on the War Machine like he’s taken on Wall Street. Hillary mouths platitudes about being “secure” and “strong,” sounding disturbingly like Trump Lite. She will bomb them slowly, softly and with “a coalition of countries” that take meetings with tea and vegan crumpets in between drone attacks.
PHOTOS: UNSCENE ABE
Stop the Bombing the Bonobo Way
Hearing our leaders’ banal and bellicose responses to the Paris attacks laid me pretty low until Max turned me onto this Bill Maher clip, and though Bill points to “extremist” religiosity and “sharia law” as motivating these attacks, he acknowledges that we can’t bomb them into being less extremist, and even perhaps that the U.S. “bombing them over there is what is causing the Paris thing to happen… That connection needs to be made. We don’t need to be bombing them there.”
Finally, a voice of responsibility in this mess of bullets and bomb threats. Maybe just maybe, if we stop bombing them, they won’t terrorize us. No, our bombing them and killing innocent people is no excuse for them terrorizing us and killing innocent people. But we could hold out an olive branch, or a vibrator, or some really good porn and cannabis; that’s more likely to undermine religious fervor. Or forget the olives and porn; just stop the bombing. It’s the Bonobo Way.
Since gun-lovers exploit these attacks as opportunities to say that all men, women, children and dogs should be armed to the canines with concealed semi-automatic weapons, we can use them as a chance to give peace…. a chance. Our bonobo ape cousins show us how the give and take of pleasure, sex, affection and positive touch can diffuse negative tension and even prevent murder and war.
It bears pointing out that bonobos are not non-violent. They’re not angels; they’re animals, like us. Bonobos feel jealous, angry, resentful, vengeful and many of the other negative emotions we feel. They hit, bite and hurt each other sometimes. But unlike common chimps, gorillas, baboons and, most notably, humans, they never allow this violence to descend into killing or war. What keeps the peace in Bonoboville? In a word: sex. Not just intercourse, but also outercourse, affection, grooming, hugs, compassion, empathy, play, patience, generosity.
Can we humans learn something about how we can make peace through pleasure from our bonobo cousins? We don’t know, but it’s worth a shot, and it’s cheaper and a lot more ethical than bombing and shooting the “shit” out of “them,” so they can have an “excuse” to do the same to us.
PHOTOS: ONO BO
Yale’s Intra-Collegiate Convulsions
That being my “modest proposal” as I open this show, I then turn to less murderous but also controversial events on college campuses around the country, revealing my Yale University thong (Boola-Boola!) in solidarity with students, professors and administrators of all colors, currently at my alma mater as it goes through intense, intra-collegiate convulsions regarding freedom of speech and respect for cultural diversity on an international stage.
It’s a tough situation, in which I can see and feel both sides, but at least nobody is getting shot or knifed so far, so it’s a pretty bonobo way to deal with conflict. This isn’t so surprising, since Yale’s president, Dr. Peter Salovey, quoted in The Bonobo Way for his landmark research in “emotional intelligence” is at the helm. There’s been quite a bit of shrieking, but bonobos shriek too sometimes. And, as the individual being shrieked at (traditionally called a “College Master,” the name itself a burgeoning point of controversy at Yale) explained most empathetically to his young accuser, the Silliman campus is “sort of like family,” and family sometimes “lets their guard down” and shrieks at each other.
We are just one race, the human race. We-Are-Familee, and with actual “family” in my studio audience during this show, I feel hyper-aware of familial ties that bind with pleasure and pain. Being “family” doesn’t make us necessarily peaceful. Some families—Cosa Nostra, Al Qaeda or the Bush Family Mafia— kill in or out of the family for jealousy, revenge or “personal gain,” whether that gain is getting a leg-up on heaven and the 72 virgins, or gaining control of the oil fields.
Bonobos avoid killing through engaging in sex, hugs, kisses, caresses, sharing food and other deep pleasures of the body and spirit. They know how to go into their “healing space” and/or “safe space” without even going to college. Hey, it’s the Bonobo Way. Maybe we humans need to “think outside the box” of our race (the human one), and learn how to be more humane from a creature that isn’t even human.
PHOTOS: ONO BO
G-Spot Fashion: Think Inside the Box!
Then again, maybe we should “think inside the box.” That’s the terrific tag of a hot new fashion line, G-Spot Brand Apparel (shout-out to Veronica Monet for hooking us up). They’ve got a pro-sex concept, sensuous fabric, cute designs, and they sent a nice big box of swag to Bonoboville. All the in-house hotties don G-Spot tank tops (Gonzo cuts mine up to make it even sexier) and caps. This being Bonoboville though, we couldn’t just leave it at a fashion show. Pretty soon, we’re finding each other’s real G-spots, cumming, squirting, singing, dancing and having more fun than a barrel of bonobos. That’s the power of the Bonobo Way.
No, that doesn’t mean our military should search and stimulate the G-Spots of ISIS women or the P-Spots (prostates) of the guys—though that could be interesting… Seriously, G-Spots and P-Spots notwithstanding, everybody has a “sweet spot,” a way they like to be touched or treated which isn’t always the way we think they *should* like to be touched or treated. This is why very often the best way to touch someone’s “sweet spot” is just to leave them in peace.
PHOTOS: UNSCENE ABE
Real G-Spots Exposed!
Speaking of “family,” besides actual in-laws, it’s really just the Bonoboville “family” on this show. But who needs featured guests with a hot DrSuzy.Tv show producer like Biz Bonobo, a.k.a. Elizabeth Aston, in pink G-Spot cap, Munkey-Barz, matching feather boa and heels, plus distinctive camel-toe crotch that practically shows her G-Spot right through her panties. Biz hits her actual G-Spot (more or less) while riding Nick Salazar’s equally pink Mad X Bike and receives a Bonobo Way book–spanking, causing her to squirt all over the big pink dildo. You may be interested to know that Biz is back “on the board” as a therapist with the Institute, doing private webcam, telephone and sext therapy. Call 213-291-9497 anytime whether you’ve got PTSD or erotic OCD or just need to talk with someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else.
Another one of our newest and most popular therapists, Dayton Rains, enters the Womb Room decked out in U.S. Marine cap, half a shirt and Daisy Dukes that cover less than a thong. A salute to Gay Paree! Chirping that she “hates Bill Maher,” Dayton reminds me that family and friends, no matter how lovable, can drive you batty when they disagree with you and that’s just when you have to keep your cool and refrain from murdering them. So I take a deep breath, give her a G-Spot tank top (that looks awesome with her giant boobs hanging out of it) and trade her USMC hat for a G-Spot cap, and we set to work (or is it play?) finding her actual G-Spot, which is delightfully on display as she opens her svelte thighs wide and uses her Kegel, a.k.a., pubococcygeus muscles to literally push it in and out like a juicy cherry popping in and out of a bowl of jello!
Some have claimed the G-Spot doesn’t exist. I’m not sure if these are the same folks who feel that bombing stops terrorism, but at least one prominent G-Spot naysayer recanted, because “Yes, Virginia, there is a G-Spot,” and we are honored and privileged to witness Dayton’s G-spot on this show in all its pulsating, glistening glory. For more amazing sex-educational close-ups of different ladies’ G-spots, see our Squirt Salon(s)—where you’ll even see mine.
In the middle of all this G-Spot play and political controversy, we join our “Bonobo in the Field” Chelsea Demoiselle via webcam at Sex-Positive Portland’s “Slutty Prom” where she’s wearing an Aaliyah Corsets corset and not much else. Later Aaliyah Corsets, without a corset, joins the party and though we don’t go spelunking for her G-Spot, she looks great in G-Spot Brand Apparel. But then who doesn’t? Ikkor the Wolf also steps up to give us a little medicinal marijuana education and a T-shirt from the Green Cross. We should definitely throw some of Ikkor’s high grade into our care package to ISIS.
The after-party of this show is like a cabaret. Biz gives us show biz, singing “Big Spender” with a stellar voice and bodacious moves. Then Ikkor grabs the mike and raps “She Bad” as Biz and Dayton twerk in time. Then, oddly or naturally enough, after listening to France’s La Marseillaise (requested by Chris), we all wind up singing The Star-Spangled Banner, “bombs bursting in air” and all, as Capt’n Max conducts.
Vive la France! Liberté Fraternité Egalité! Boola-boola Yale. Lux et Veritas. Let’s try to find and positively touch each other’s G-spots, P-spots and sweet spots. Let’s make like bonobos, not baboons.
Another great unscripted live broadcast in the can, Capt’n Max and I say good-night to our twinkling Garden of Bonoboville, and the Captain sets sail into the stormy depths of my G-spot, filling our longtime marriage bed with a tsunami of fresh love, which then subsides, sweeping our troubles out to sea, setting us adrift on dreams of peace through pleasure in the world.
© November 15, 2015. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 310-568-0066.