Length 00:58:29  Date: December 4, 2021, 2021

by Dr. Susan Block.

Nine flames light up the confluence of Krampus, Hanukkah and Bonoboville erotica among the Churches of Arcadia as the Love Train zooms through the last gasps and giggles of 2021.

Hanukkah Taliban

First, we light the Hanukkah candles. Though not a major holiday, the Jewish Festival of Lights is older than Xmas and falls in winter, so it hitches a ride on Santa’s sleigh. Every winter holiday has its miracle —i.e., Jesus’ virgin birth or Saint Nick making it through your chimney—and the Miracle of Hanukkah is the “everlasting light,” the sacred oil lamp of the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem that had only enough oil to burn 24 hours, yet it miraculously lasted 8 days, providing enough time for the Maccabees to defeat their so-called “enemies” in battle and obtain fresh oil to replenish the eternal flame. That is why we light eight candles, plus one for good luck, aka the shamus or “slave candle,” the purpose of which is to light the other candles.

It’s a story designed for disgruntled Jewish kids jealous of their gentile friends’ Xmas trees. But the heroes of Hanukkah, the Maccabees, militaristic, deeply religious zealots, were the Taliban of their times. Also, though they won that battle and replenished the oil, they soon lost the war and the Temple.

Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners of the Church of the Bonobo Way, all things must pass, including these candles celebrating Hanukkah 2021. This F.D.R. broadcast marks the seventh night of Hanukkah, which means we’re supposed to light seven candles. However, I’ve always been more for the spirit than the letter of the law and, being a bit of a pyrophiliac, I love the look and feel of a fully lit menorah, so we light eight with the ninth “shamus” (slave) candle for good luck.

For the past decade or so, we haven’t just been lighting the Hanukkah candles; irreverent boho-bonobos that we are, we’ve also dripped the melting candlewax onto the beautiful buns, bared breasts and other body parts of our sexy guests.  Over the years, we’ve had some fairly big bacchanalian Hot-Wax Hanukkah party shows, including Hanukkah Girls Gone Wild (2010), Massive Musical Orgy of Love, Lights & the Bill of Rights (2012), Hot Wax Chanuka in Bonoboville (2015), Xmas Eve Confessions with Hanuka Hot Wax (2016), Hot Wax Hanukkah & the Alabama Miracle (2017) and this week’s throwback, Squirting Hot Wax Hanukkah (2018), FemDom Hot-Wax Hanukkah (2019) and our Coronapocalyptic Hanukkah-Xmas Bedside Chat 2020, to name a few.

No orgies this Hanukkah, just a romantic ride with my darling Capt’n Max through our candlelit Tunnel of Love, foreplay for big fiery Hanukkah orgasms (later) which are a “mitzvah” (good deed) to share on Hanukkah.

I designate the red candle at the top of the menorah (candelabra) as our light of the night for Palestine to shed light upon the struggles of the Palestinian people, displaced in their own lands by over-zealous Maccabean Israelis.

#GoBonobos for the Shministim Group, Israeli students who refuse to serve in the so-called Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).  Their courage gives me so much hope in an otherwise rather hopeless situation. After all, one of the key factors that ended the American War in Vietnam was the courage of young draftees in refusing to serve a dishonorable war.

Though we forego the kinky hot-wax play this year, we indulge in another Hanukkah tradition: the Capitalogenic candle race. Listen above or below to find out who wins. Hint: It’s not a Squid Game, and the winner’s winnings aren’t measured in gelt, but in orgasms.

Several friends of Bonoboville send their Hanukkah wishes, including two Phoenixes rising from the ashes.  “Most Dazzling Domme” SUZY award winner, Goddess Phoenix, tells us she misses us, and we miss her too, her fiber-optic whips, sparkles and her smile that dazzles like the everlasting light.

Then, Phoenix Steele sends us “love and hugs from myself and a special friend from the beyond,” and we know just who that “special friend” is, the dearly departed fabulous FemDom, Sadie Hawkins (tragically murdered by one of her past submissives), who loved The Bonobo Way, and whose presence was such a present on Hanukkah 2010. In fact, she won the candle race! As I’m remembering Sadie, a candle flickers out, and it feels like her strong but gentle spirit is in the air. It happens to be our candle for Palestine, commemorating the good that die young, like Sadie and a lot of Palestinians.

Kinky Krampus

Its also Krampusnacht, when Krampus, the hornèd, horny Xmas devil of rich medieval Alpine folklore and cheap Hollywood horror movies, roams the earth, wreaking hornèd, horny havoc. Krampus is the dark side of jolly old Saint Nick. He also looks a lot like Pan, the ancient Greek, half-human/half-goat “God of the Wild” who lends his horns, hooves, long tongue and tail to the Christian “Satan” and his name to the Latin classification for bonobos, Pan paniscus. But Krampus is a bad Pan, to say the least. While sweet Santa Claus brings joy and gifts to “nice” boys and girls, Krampus kidnaps, frightens, whips and spanks “naughty” children of all ages during the punishing yuletide lead-up to the big Xmas gift-gasm.

Dark Santa, bad Pan, Big Foot and Freddy Krueger all converge into an amusingly grotesque figure that the faithful called “The Krampus.”  Quite popular in the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries, adults often sent each other’s children postcards featuring monstrous, child-beating Krampuses, accompanied by cheerful warnings that they’d better behave… or else the Krampus would get them, which would probably be considered child abuse nowadays.

Politics have long been part of Krampus lore, and perhaps not surprisingly, the old Popes and the Nazis both expressly forbade Krampus depictions under penalty of Krampus-like punishments and, of course, much worse. Apparently, they didn’t appreciate the Krampus cartoons mocking their serious real-life cruelty.

Following World War II, the Krampus character went through a makeover, developing more of an interest in sexy ladies, rather than kids. That’s the more benignly kinky Krampus I prefer to play in our Krampusnacht bacchanals.

Krampus Trumpus Rumpus

Nevertheless, who can ignore the modern and quite loathsome incarnation of Krampus haunting and tormenting the populace, the one who has kidnapped so many of our psyches with his grabby little hands, nasty narcissism and toxic tongue, lo, these past several years?

I’m referring to, of course, that demonic Loser-in-Chief who refuses to lose, the Insurrection Anti-Santa, Tyrannosaurus Rotten, the Krampus Trumpus Rumpus.

It’s not just the Trumpus himself, though the Mar-A-Lago Swamp Monarch is bad enough. It’s also Trumpism, Fascism with an American smile, QAnonsense and the deadly ammosexual swagger embodied by tRump-fan Killer Kyle Rittenhouse, and now even younger super-killer Ethan Crumbley and his crumbling Crumbley family values.

What an American travesty that Killer Kyle roams free, inspiring fresh killers like Crumbley, while the Exposer of Killers, Julian Assange, remains locked up in the bowels of Belmarsh prison. FREE ASSANGE!

Krampus of Arcadia

Currently, F.D.R.’s personal Krampus Monster is Arcadia Zoning Inspector Amber Abeyta. We have a meeting with the Arcadia city council coming up in a couple of days, though it could be postponed again. We have been harassed, discriminated against, raided, manhandled, grossly misunderstood and traumatized by the City of Arcadia.

With a pattern of harassment against us since we moved in March 2019, City inspectors have discriminated against us because we’re unabashedly sex-positive and our work-style is *different.*  As Capt’n Max and I gaze upon the flickering Hanukkah candles, pondering the Holocaust, the pogroms and the deep-seated, almost subconscious hate in so much antisemitism, we can’t help but wonder if Arcadia’s assault on us is also due to religious discrimination.

After all, there are a lot of beautiful churches in Arcadia whose pastors may not appreciate the divine, artistic beauty of, say, Squirting Hot Wax Hanukkah.

Harry Sapien suggests that we open the Church of the Bonobo Way in Arcadia, and in a way, we already have, with the Irreverend Dr. Susan Block and Pastor Max presiding. But maybe if we made it official, they’d snap out of their Mattress Madness.

In watching John and Yoko in the new Beatles documentary, “Get Back,” I realize that my passion for beds as theatrical stages had been sparked by John and Yoko’s 1969 “Bed-In for Peace.” That reminds us that Max and I did a “Broadcast in Bed” the day after our wedding night live from our wedding bed at the Hotel Rittenhouse (no relation to Kyle).

Max also recalls our big New York art show, “Sex Acts in Soho with Heilman C,” at the Jack Tilton Art Gallery, the centerpiece of which was a king-sized mattress (with bed sheets borrowed from the Plaza Hotel).

And then there was my old Mattress Madness poetry show, where my only “set” was a mattress in the middle of the stage, my “magic carpet into your imagination.”

Apparently, the Arcadia Zoning Politburo has no imagination. They are freaking out over our multiple, marvelous mattresses, though their anti-mattress fetish isn’t based on anything in the zoning code. I, on the other hand, want more mattresses. Maybe we will nail mattresses on the walls for those afflicted with Mattress Madness, with a special mattress-lined padded cell for Inspector Abeyta to go Mattress-Mad in.

As you can hear, the Arcadia Zoning Politburo is giving us a maddening case of Mattress Madness. Their ongoing harassment is driving us mad!  Therefore, on the occasion of our 50^th live F.D.R. broadcast in one year—going nonstop with no breaks!—we are taking a couple “mental health” weeks off from live broadcasting to gather our forces and resources. We’ll be back on the first of 2022 with the 2021 SUZY awards, but in the meantime, all of our shows are available on DrSuzy.Tv, so you never have to miss us, and we never have to say good-bye.

Though we do want to say, “We love you!” But you know that.

Merry Xmas! Peace on earth and pleasure for all. May you be free of harassment and have many happy orgasms!

Mrs & Mr. Krampus and devil spawn. Photo: Unscene Abe

© December 4,  2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 213-291-9497.