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Dr. Susan Block's September 6, 1996 Wherein I Advise Dr. Laura to Get Her Panties
Out of Their Knot, Having licked my wounds from Dr. Laura's tacky public "bashing," I wrote and faxed her following letter today: Dear Dr. Schlessinger,Wonder if she'll apologize? Is she woman enough? I'll give her a week. If I don't hear from her, it's war.
September 15, 1996 Wherein I Unleash the
Block Curse
Apologize to me, Dr. Laura, High Priestess of the
Cheap Shot! Apologize to me and to all the innocent women you have
bashed and belittled, or the Block Curse will wreak havoc upon your
wretched, oppressive, sexless existence!
October 17, 1996 Wherein I Surpass The Block Curse continues to work its dark magic. Maybe I really did hypnotize Steve Lowery. He just wrote another full-page article for New Times, "Oh, Doctors!" all about the cross-media morality battle between Dr. Laura and me. Lowery writes that the original "article about Block garnered more response than anything I've written so far, & I've taken to task the cardinal of Los Angeles & the LA Times." Well, I can't say I'm surprised. I mean, who cares
about the LA Times & Cardinal Mahoney? Times, shmimes.
Mahoney, baloney. People care about sex. People care about being lied
to by smarmy hypocrites. People care about learning the truth about
their sexuality. That's why people care about me. And that's why Lowery's
article on me got so many responses, including that furious
letter from Dr. Laura.
But I won't be anyone's victim, certainly not Dr. Laura's. So I wrote her that nice polite note, giving her some advice, colleague to colleague: "Next time you wish to make the point that you are not a basher and belittler of women, don't bash & belittle a woman in the same paragraph," and I gave her a chance to apologize. I mean, I know she's pretty obsessed with woman-bashing; it's kind of a kinky moral crusade for her. I usually try to give people a certain amount of rope when it comes to their kinky obsessions, but hers are out of control and dangerous. As a public figure and a preacher of "principles and values," I think she should keep her dangerous obsessions under control. Lowery backs me up on this; even though he does like to wag his sex-phobic finger at me for masturbating on my bed under my Yale pennant on HBO (Get a sense of humor, Steve, you pitiful fool!). But I must say, in "Oh, Doctors!", he spends a lot more space denouncing Dr. Laura for "berating and cutting off callers, all with a holier than thou attitude ...teeing off on the weakest of the weak." Gosh, I love it when I can get spineless, guilt-ridden journalists to help me fight my battles. It's Expose Dr. Laura Time... As you know, Dear Diary, I've been down this road before. I already ran Dr. Toni Grant off the road and out of town, and I've skewered Dr. Barbara DeAngelus. Now I've put the Block Curse on the Queen of Moralizing Mean, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, High Priestess of the Cheap Shot. Laura darlin, all I can say is: you picked the wrong woman to bash. I didn't deserve a public flogging from you, and you know it. Maybe you're hurt by what Steve Lowery wrote about you, maybe you're damaged by what your mother or father did or didn't do to you. But don't dump your unresolved anxieties on me. I'm not Steve Lowery! I'm not the sister who stole your dolls! And I'm not the mother who locked you in the closet! I won't be another one of your media victims, Laura. I'm not going to take it, and I'm not going to let you forget it! You're into martial arts, Laura, you've got a black belt in something. Well, I'm into verbal martial arts. I don't want to get physical with you, Laura, but when you come at me, attacking me like this, calling me stupid nasty names for no reason, well, just like a T'ai Kwan Do master, just like Sun Tzu teaches in The Art of War, I'll take the power of your nasty name-calling and throw it right back at you.... And Laura, I'm still waiting for that apology--to
me and to all the innocent women you bash to bring up your ratings.
And until I get it, I ain't letting up on you, babe. So wake up, and
smell the sex......
November 1, 1996 Wherein Dr. Laura
is Exposed Slowly but surely, the Block Curse is taking hold. We're getting lots of calls and e-mails here in support of my response to Dr. Laura's attack. I never realized how many people she had hurt and angered so deeply out there, how many women she had "bashed and belittled" in her lust for power and revenge...against what? A rotten childhood? A sexless adulthood? Or does she just do it for the ratings? Even Mom has gotten involved. The other day, she sent me a pretty devastating expose about Dr. Laura that was in the Philadelphia Inquirer. It was critical of her in many ways, but the part about her family was most interesting. It's funny; I kind of guessed that Dr. Laura might have been taking out her unresolved frustrations with her mother on me. So I wasn't surprised to read that this woman who is supposed to be the High Priestess of Family Values doesn't speak to her mother. Or her sister. Hasn't spoken to them in years. And won't tell anyone in the media why! How hypocritical can you get?! Mom and I had a good laugh over that. Since I have such a precious, wonderful, close relationship
with my Mom, I almost felt sorry for Dr. Laura for missing out on
that. Almost, but not quite. How can I feel sorry for the Queen of
Moralizing Mean?
DR.
SUSAN BLOCK'S
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